1.       Short work weeks           Only working four days this week was lovely.  I’m sure you all agree and I won’t have to expand on this theme.

2.       The Vatican        Not a one of the Sisters is Catholic, but we are all fascinated by the Vatican and the Pope.  It comes at no small delight to us that the Pope is tweeting from his iPad and now he has a YouTube page.  The news stories say, “he used his own finger to send the (first) tweet.” Pope Benedict XVI is 84 years old.  Can you imagine that conversation teaching him how to tweet? Did they get a thirteen year old altar boy to come see the See and explain? “Dude, this is so cool. Type it right here and then slide the button with your finger. No slide it. Right there.  See that little “mittere” (send in Latin) slide your finger over it. No right there.  Just slide it, Dude. Never mind, I’ll just do it.”

In the essence of truth, it should be noted that, while we find this fascinating and absolutely hilarious in his irrelevance, none of the Sisters has subscribed to his tweets.

3.       Hair Bands          One of the Sister’s husband’s bands is playing a gig tonight.  It’s his old band from the 90’s – Nightfall Avenue.  Amylynn’s My Honey is the bass player. Anyway, they are opening for a glam hair band from the 90’s called Faster Pussycat.  Amylynn and Ava’s husband will be in attendance.  Amylynn plans to wear big hair. Ed’s looking for his leather pants. Retro fun should be had by all.

4.       Birthdays no matter how old.    Amylynn’s birthday is 28 days from today. Exactly 4 weeks. She will expect presents. A puppy would go a long, long way in making her happy. Very happy.  Puppy. Go now and reserve a cute one. Or an ugly one.  She’s really not that picky.  Puppy.

5.       This picture        Enough said.

This week on:

Good Dental Hygiene in Tennessee. Ava texted a lot of stuff while she was in Tennessee this week but one of the Kelli & Amylynn’s favorites was for a billboard that extolled $410.00 Dentures.  This is good news since we still don’t have National health care.  Besides, you have to admit, that’s kind of funny. We always appreciate irony in all its forms.

iPads. One of the sister’s is uncommonly jealous because Kelli bought herself an iPad.  Amylynn has been coveting the pad Ava’s son has and now, knowing that Kelli has one, Amylynn has become almost insufferable with envy.  Kelli loves it. Amylynn doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. Sigh.

Thunderstorms. We finally had one and it was glorious. Apparently, Amylynn woke up to the thunder at 4:30 and said out loud, “Doesn’t that sound wonderful? 82 days” and then she sighed and went back to sleep. The desert smelled wonderful in the morning as only the high desert can. If your able to wrangle yourself up some thunder and rain, we highly suggest that you do.  It’s so worth a little humidity.

That There is Good Security in Graceland. Ava was scolded for touching things in the Jungle Room. This doesn’t surprise her Sisters. There was a similar occurrence in Turkey last year at the National Museum. An international incident was avoided because the Turkish guard simply considered her a stupid American who couldn’t be expected to know better. Unfortunately, the Tennesseeans weren’t falling for that lame excuse.  You shouldn’t be surprised to hear that she did manage to snag herself a piece of green shag carpeting.  Just be thankful for said security, or Zeus only knows what she would be trying to shove in her carryon bag tomorrow.

Crazy People That See Jesus in Everything. These people bring no small amount of amusement to the Sisters. This  week’s incident involves a telephone pole and kudzu. I guess if you squint really, really hard and tilt your head to the left.  Maybe if you look away and then back again really quick and then back once more….Nah.

The Quill Sisters are excited to present a couple new additions to our website!  Welcome to “5 Things that Kept Us from Slitting Our Wrists This Week” that, although self-explanatory, really are some things that happened to us through the week that improved our outlook, despite the soul-sucking job and the delay on our purchase of Greece.  We hope you enjoy!

JUNE 24th

1. I finished the first draft of my 2nd book. Afterwards, for the next two days I wandered around with no idea what to do with myself. I didn’t have any plot points to resolve or conversations to mull over. It was a completly bizarre feeling and I honestly didn’t like it.  I can’t wait to get the revisions done so I can send it to MY AGENT and put it to bed.  I have so many ideas for my next project.

2. Ava and I had an epiphany.  Creme Puffs and Eclairs are essentially the same thing in a different shape.  That may quite frankly be the 1st commandment of our blossoming religion.

3. I had to send a Dooney & Bourke purse back to them because the leather was peeling off the bottom.  I was remarkably depressed about it because I really loved the purse – gorgeous red patent leather.  I was complimented constantly on it. The lovely people and D&B gave me a nice credit and I was permitted to go shopping on their site.  My new purse will appear on my doorstep sometime next week.  I don’t know what I expected but I had a lovely experience with the company and the Sisters whole heartedly endorse them.

4. Fried Food It was a bad week and the only thing that was going to make it better was a giant mess of fried food.  I introduced Ava to Sour Cream and Onion French Fries.  Being a non-onion eater, she was certain she wouldn’t like them but once I convinced her to give them a try she became a convert.  We also ordered fried zucchini, fried mushrooms and steak fingers. That’s the combination for a winning Thursday, I’ll tell you.

5. Elvis Presley and Graceland This Weekend Ava and her entire family head off to Memphis for a visit to the King’s house.  She even tracked down shirts for all the girls that read “I (heart) ELVIS” in rhinestones.  How perfect is that? Both Kelli and I wish we were going.  Ava is instructed to bring us back something appropriately kitchy.  I’m hoping for a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich wrapped in tin foil.

Lewis Carroll created more than just an endearing children’s story.  He was also a gadget freak who loved

What do you suppose he’s thinking about right now?

inventing in his spare time.  Among his innovations: an electric pen; a new kind of postal money order; a tricycle; a method of justifying right margins on a typewriter; and an early type of double-sided mounting square.  Carroll also came up with the idea of printing a book’s title on the spine of its dust jacket so that it could be found easily on a bookshelf.  Words he coined that are still in use today include the portmanteaus chortle (a combination of chuckle and snort) and galumph (a gallop plus triumph).  An inveterate puzzle solver, Carroll devised many card and logic games, improved backgammon, and created an early form of Scrabble.

Wow!  Who would have thought.  I’d always kind of placed Carroll into the role of drugged-out writer type with an outstanding imagination and perhaps a streak of pedophilia.  It may be harsh, but I honestly can’t think of a single complimentary thing about Mr. Carroll.  I even did a paper on him and Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland in AP English when I was a senior in high school and can’t remember anything especially nice. 

However, since reading the above, I’ve read several research articles on Mr. Carroll and it seems his character has been much maligned since Victorian times.  There is much more than meets the eye and, it would appear, his genius has been greatly underestimated.  Besides the items enumerated above, he was a mathematician, logician, politician, and photographer – the last of which has contributed to some of the more popular misconceptions.

Regardless, it’s always a pleasure to discover something new about someone, especially something really interesting.  He reminds me of the entry I wrote about JRR Tolkien and his astounding capacity for language.  I think I appreciate Mr. Carroll’s capacity for the absurd so much more knowing he was also a great thinker as well.

I had warned her and warned her, too many times in fact, and now she wasn’t taking me seriously.  Well, Saturday I’d had enough.  I was tired of walking into her room and tripping over junk.  I was sick of her saying she had no clean clothes because none of her laundry ever made it into the hamper.  I couldn’t handle the near certain death of opening her closet anymore.  Every time I went to put freshly laundered and neatly folded clothes in her dresser my head would explode.  And I would chastise myself for caring that now her clothes were a wadded up, wrinkled mess.

As I said, I’d warned her so Sassy shouldn’t have been surprised when I entered her room snapping open a garbage bag.  I nagged and cajoled until her room was spotless.  It took SIX HOURS and FIVE GARBAGE BAGS!  Six hours accounting for frequent bathroom breaks and a small sojourn for lunch.  Five bulging kitchen sized garbage bags.

I used a rake to get the crap out from under her bed.   In fact, I don’t know how surprised I would have been had I discovered actual crap. 

I threw out puzzles whose pieces were strewn about because I’ll be damned if I was going to sit there and put them together to make sure they were all accounted for.  Board and card games fared no better.  Out went books with torn covers.  I know! Blasphemy but I was on a roll. 

I threw out every single Happy Meal toy I could get my hands on.

Many things ended up in those bags that I’m sure Sassy wouldn’t have been happy about had she realized, but I’m not sorry.

While I was laying on the carpet pulling out torn paper, dolls, candy wrappers, books, orphans and small animals from under her bed, I could hear the ghost of my father’s voice threatening to back his pickup truck under my bedroom window and promising to shovel out my belongings if I didn’t clean up my childhood bedroom.

Afterwards we were exhausted.  My back hurt and my shoulders cramped.  I know I worked at least as hard on that room as I did during the years of my indentured servitude working for my father on roofs and in ditches.

The Barbies and all her clothes are organized as are the Polly Pockets, Bratz, Princess Dolls, and Fairies.  The books are lined up by size.  Her clothes are on hangers or neatly folded.  The shoes are lined up in pairs.  The doll house toys are tucked away.

Sassy is pleased with the accomplishment.  She promises to endeavor to keep her room tidy.  Who wants to take 3 weeks in the pool?

It’s that time of giving thanks again.  It’s one of my favorite holidays, and you don’t even get presents.  Who’d have thought?  But it’s true.  I love food and family, and I’m not totally selfish, so short the receiving of presents, this is a perfect holiday.  AND it’s nowhere near as stressful as Christmas.  Darn near perfect, if you ask me.

I thought I’d share a few things I’m grateful besides the obvious healthy, family, job and home.

That if the Idiot Dog refuses to adore me in the manner I’ve come to expect from my canine companions, at least the cat does.  The older he gets, the more affectionate he becomes.  He is my near constant companion as I work late into the night.  My fuzzy little Ginger companion.  Thank you, Geddy.

I’ve said it before, in fact very recently, but the fact that my husband and best friends and close family are so funny.  Throughout the mundanity of life, the day to day drudgery of working for a living, the beat down of bills, and how alarmingly exhausting raising children is turning out to be, it’s so life affirming to surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard your stomach aches and various beverages come out your nose.  Thank you, Brothers and Sisters and Family.

I’ve said this before, too.  In fact many, many times on these very pages, but having an agent is a beautiful thing.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I constantly question if what I have is talent or just a momentary flash of good luck, and it’s sometimes hard to believe the words of validation from those close to you.  No matter how wonderful it is for Kelli, Ava, My Honey or my mom to tell me I am a good writer, I am funny, my talent is real, for someone who is hoping to profit off you to believe in you is more validation than a fragile artistic ego can hope for.  Thank you, Kevan.

This is silly, but I am so thankful for books.  I imagine you all can appreciate this sentiment.  If not, I’m very sorry for you.  Thank you brilliant authors who’ve come before me – Bryson, Lee, Shakespeare, oh just the pantheon of men and women of letters.  Thank you thank you thank you.

That there is a lock on my bathroom door – and not for the reason you may think.  Locked in the bathroom is the only place I can have a moment’s piece in my home.  Between Sassy, The Bandit and Idiot Dog, this is the only place I can have a phone conversation.  I am remarkably adept at ignoring pleas from the other side of the door.  I can sit on the side of the tub and read or chat in my little sanctuary.  It’s the idea place really.  If I get cold there is a fuzzy bathrobe on the door and warm heater in the ceiling.  If I get thirsty, there is plenty of water.  If I drink too much water, well that’s rather obvious, isn’t it?    Thank you, working lock!

I need this in Wedgewood

I hope your day of Thanksgiving finds you thinking of other things your thankful for besides the obvious.  Have a wonderful day.  I’ll be thinking of you all while I’m trying to keep the food on my plate from touching – because that’s just icky.

I absolutely LOVE this commercial.  Maybe it’s because this is the way I feel.  I’d love to chuck a tissue box at a few whiners!

I told you a couple of weeks ago about my love for The Wizard of Oz and how much it pleased me that Sassy is developing a love for it too.  Think how excited I was when I pulled out the wad of fliers from her backpack and, once I’d sorted  through them, found several about the musical the school is putting on this year: The Wizard of Oz.

First was a flier announcing the title of the play.  Yippee!  Maybe I’ll go this year without too much whining.

Next was a flier requesting some parental help with some of the tougher props and costumes.  They need Raggedy Ann and Andy costumes.  Some witches brooms with long handles.  Stuff like that.

The Next flier had me gasping for breath.  According to the flier, the sets for this play are very extensive and they’ve put together a budget.  After all they need to recreate a Kansas farm scene and Oz, etc.  They are looking for parent and business sponsors. 

What is the budget you might ask for an elementary school production of the Wizard of Oz.  $13,000.00.  Thirteen thousand dollars. Thirteen.  Thousand.  Dollars.

Are they transporting an actual farm from Kansas?  Are they hiring a real wizard?  Are they using REAL rubies for the shoes?  Holy crap on a cracker!

They pointed out that much of the costs would be defrayed by the ticket sales, etc. 

I have to say it again.  Thirteenthousanddollars. 

I think the school plays we put together when I was an elementary school student were slapped together with the money found under the faculty lounge sofa cushions and duct tape and shoestrings.  We used a lot of paper mache as I recall. 

Now I can’t wait to see this play.  After all, the special effects will probably done by Industrial Light and Magic and I think they’re resurecting Bob Fosse to do the choreography.

The family Bright is off to Disneyland.

Hi ho.  Hi ho.  It’s off to Disneyland we go.

It’s the tenth wedding anniversary for My Honey and I on Thursday.  Before we were in engaged, I took him to Disneyland for three days as an audition.  He had no idea it was an audition, but obviously he did fine.  I was pretty sure he was the one, but I wanted to make sure I could stand him 24/7.  I still think it was a good idea.   Who knew what he could have been up to in his off hours?  I didn’t suspect virgin sacrifices or anything, but there could have been toe nail picking or excessive flatulance I was unaware of up to that point.

I asked him to marry me several weeks after that.  I bought him a ring – with a diamond in it – and carried it around in my pocket for weeks before I was brave enough to do ask.  It turns out he was going to ask me at Christmas, but who has time for that?  I asked in April and we were married in November.

So, my Sisters have promised to post here while I’m gone.  I’m sure I’ll have lots of good stories when I get back.

This is Ed.

I call him Edward.  I like to use people’s full names.

I love Edward.  Not only because he’s my sister’s husband, but because he recovered the missing documents out of my crashed lap top.

Edward is a genius.  And patient beyond measure.  And helpful and, oh jeez I’m gushing. But doesn’t he look wonderful?

I checked to see what the rules are to nominate someone to be a saint, but it turns out there is no application you can fill out on line.  It seems to be quite complicated.  And you have to live a devout Catholic life.  That pretty much cancels out Ed’s nomination right there.  But, as you may remember, the Sister’s have been considering starting up a new religion – one that mostly worship things made with white flour and covered in buttercream icing – but there is still room for a saint here or there.

Part of the Catholic deal is a mass said in your honor.  Usually the Pope officiates in St Peter’s Square.  I’m certain there is a local bakery that’ll allow us to hold some sort of baked goods ritual.  And maybe we could get Buddy Velastro from Cake Boss to officiate.

All kidding aside, thank you Edward.  Thank you thank you thank you.

You are my favorite Edward of all time.