Tis The Season….

Some more non sequiturs from my brain – these with a Christmas theme since that is the all consuming passion with the short people at my house. 

The Bandit has discovered the joy of singing in the shower.  He usually opts for taking a shower by himself and, if given the option, will always choose his father’s shower because “that’s the boys bathroom.”  As far as I’m concerned, they can keep it, too.  The “boy’s” shower is tall and enclosed with a glass door so there is a really great echo effect.  I keep the bathroom door open so I can monitor his activities in there – he is only 4 1/2 after all.  Lord knows what kind of mischief he could get into in there.  It makes my wallet hurt just thinking of it.  Anyway, his current favorite is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – at the top of his lungs.  “…as they shouted out with glee – YIPPEE! – Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, you’ll go down in history – LIKE COLUMBUS.”

I would like to thank Sassy’s first grade teacher yet again.  Not only did she bring the joy of Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo into our lives, but on Friday she gave the children reindeer food to bring home.  “What pray is reindeer food,” you ask?  Oh it’s just the most lovely concoction of dry oatmeal and glitter in a zip lock sandwich bag.  This substance, when liberally sprinkled on the couch and living room carpet, is more insidious than Christmas tree tinsel and Easter grass combined. You think it’s all vacuumed up and then you plop yourself down exhausted in a chair and the angle of the light changes and lo, there is freaking glitter everywhere.  So thank you.  Thank you very much.  Expect coal in your stocking.

My boy will never have a life in a major crime family.  Or even a minor crime family.  He wouldn’t last five minutes.  I know you faithful readers think that he’s headed for a life of dubious honesty.  I disagree – perhaps if cowboys still roamed the west and he could join a gang of train robbers or something akin to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, then yeah.  He’d be Butch by the way – he’s definitely a mastermind.  However, he’s never going to make it in the mob.  The boy can’t keep a secret to save his life.  He very excitedly announced to his father and the entire tools department at Sears that we bought him a new Maglight flashlight.  It’s red, he said with glee.  His sister is apoplectic over it.

But it’s not always the boy that’s the problem.  Christmas has made them both a little extra “jolly”.  You can blame it on the sugar, or the extra toy commercials, or just the knowledge that Santa is 10 short days away.  Either way, they’re completely manic, and sometimes they annoy each other as much as they do their father and I.  Yesterday Bandit looked balefully at me and said, “My sister’s a pain in the ass.”  I couldn’t agree more little man.

Tis the season to be jolly, Fa-la-la-la-la  La-la-la-la