Wondermut – Activate!

My dog is…..well, my dog is….let me put it this way…..I lack an appropriate adjective.  He’s very handsome for a dog whose face is slowly melting off.  He also only has one eyebrow – on the left.  Don’t misunderstand – he does not have a unibrow.  There is one perfect, arched eyebrow over his left eye.  I have no idea what could have happened to the other one.  His muzzle is wonderfully velvety and his ears are as soft as satin.  He loves to cuddle.  He doesn’t smell too bad.  His nose works very well.  He is good natured.  He’s also terrified of the Bandit’s Star Wars Light Saber.  And still,  one of my favorite things is pestering him when he’s trying to hide his treats in the couch.  It makes him crazy when he hides bones in the cushions and I “find” them for him.

That’s a pretty good resume.  HOWEVER, I am concerned about his lack of intelligence and his ridiculous exuberance.  He’s a hound dog for God’s sake.  Doesn’t he know he’s supposed to be sleeping on the front porch, not racing around the house howling, molesting the cat, and using my children and their possessions as chew toys?  I’ve always believed that big dogs don’t even grow a brain until they are at least 2 years old.  They just stay puppies for a lot longer.  Roscoe is 2 in February and I’m not holding out any hope that anything is germinating in there.

The neighborhood in our town where my husband and I both grew up, and live in still, is like heaven for supporters of the Second Amendment (the right to keep and bear arms).  I’ve never considered it much, it’s just always been that way, and regardless of my personal opinion on gun control, it probably always will.  There are currently three gun shops within a block of my house.  The largest gun shop in the Southwest is 1/2 block from my front door.  Rumor has it that the original owners of that shop were busted for selling weapons to the guerrillas in South America.  My Honey remembers this event taking place, but I can’t find any evidence of it.  It’s still a really big store, although I have not been inside for over twenty years.

About two weeks ago, our neighbor intercepted my husband in the front yard.  She’s THAT neighbor.  Everyone has one – nosy, crazy, a “friend” of all the local police, and frequently drunk.  If you don’t have one, I recommend getting one – they are nothing if not entertaining.   Apparently the previous night there had been a lot of activity in our neighborhood and we missed all of it.  We usually do.  Someone had tried to break into that particular gun shop in the middle of the night by cutting a hole in the roof.  I’m sure they stupidly had visions of a great heist, but that stuff doesn’t usually work out in real life.  I’d imagine, gun shops as a rule have pretty damn good security.  Anyway, the criminals fled into the neighborhood in an attempt to escape.  I understand that there were multiple cop cars on my street and even in my front yard.  They had the police dogs out and I understand they were in my yard as well. 

We remained blissfully ignorant because my dog is useless.  He never made a peep.

Thanks, Roscoe.  I feel much safer knowing your on it.