September 27

Do you realize there are less than 90 shopping days until Christmas? 69 days until Ava’s birthday. Sooner, but no less important, it’s only 4 days till the start of hockey season. Can you believe how time just FLIES by? Remember when you were a kid, adults were always trying to tell you that time passed so quickly and you didn’t believe them. Wow, it’s so true. We don’t really like it. Sadly, no amount of complaining makes time slow down. Unless you working at Bank of No Forks. Then, for at least nine hours a day, time moves at the

speed of a tired sloth. Good thing we have all this time to screw around and find funny things. Things like these.

1. Kiwis to the Antarctic. We learned that a New Zealand airline is planning regular flights to the Antarctic. When we heard this we thought, well that will be an opportunity lost. The Sisters have no plans to go to the Antarctic because it’s very, very cold there, and we don’t do the cold. Once the temp outside hits 70 we’re complaining about the bitter weather and digging out the fur coats. Then we read further in the article and discovered it’s only for scientists and their support crews. Now we’re disappointed we won’t be allowed go. That’s discrimination and now we feel like complaining about it. We don’t like being told no. We’re smart enough to be scientists, we just chose to write a snarky blog instead. Still, we probably wouldn’t be scientists that study “cold” anyway. We have no idea why

any of this upsets us. We only include it to show you that we are very self-aware of our craziness.

2. Mindful bears. Did you know that if a bear wanders into your bar in Juneau, Alaska all you have to do is yell, “No bear! Get out! No! You can’t be in here!” and said bear will go back outside? Who would have thought that wild bears can mind better than children? We’ve tried yelling that exact same thing (substituting “kid” for “bear”) and nothing

happens. Because we wanted to go about this scientifically (see #1) we tried calling the kids “bear” but that didn’t work either. Really, we’re so confused.

3. Cruelty to elephants. The 24-year-old elephant in the zoo is pregnant. We are beyond delighted by that news. At least we were until we read that the zoo keepers have every intention of making certain Litsemba gets plenty of exercise during the pregnancy. Did you know the gestational period for elephants is 24 months. TWO YEARS! They’re going to make that poor girl exercise after she’s been carrying an ELEPHANT around in her stomach for TWO YEARS? Jeeez, and they wonder why pregnant women are so nasty.

4. New money! They’ve redesigned the $100 dollar bill. They’re describing it as “glitzier”. Oooooh. What’s not enticing about glitzy money? There is part of the Declaration of Independence and a quill and ink well that changes color. To commemorate the occasion, we’ve called our local Federal Reserve bank and ordered up a sheet of uncut bills. We requested one suitable for framing. They asked what credit card we wanted to use. Well, none of course. We’re the Quill Sisters. It has our name right there on the bill. They hung up on us. What the hell is that all about? They’re printing 2.5 billion new bills and they can’t spare one sheet of them for the namesake? All that complaining and now that black car is sitting in the driveway again.

5. Faux Filibusters. We’re always thinking of new careers. Bank of No Forks will do that to you. This latest opportunity was one we’d never even considered. Honestly, we didn’t know it was even a thing, but now that we do know, we’re getting business cards made up. Filibusters R Us. So you know how we prattle on here at the blog? We can do that in person too. Our husbands are always asking what we could possibly have to talk about since we spend nine hours a day together and then still manage to have things to say via text all evening. Don’t you run out of things to say? No, indeed. We do not. Trust us when we say we could stand in front of Congress and talk for twenty hours. We wouldn’t even have to read Dr. Suess.