I Know My Limitations

In honor of Ava’s desire to try Noble Silence (HA! That means texting, too, dear sister) I’m going to let loose a few of my random little rants.  This is because I know that I couldn’t never succeed at the practice of Noble Silence.  The concept simply doesn’t gel with any part of my personality.  Remember the episode of Friends when Chandler wasn’t allowed to say anything sarcastic?  I seriously would implode.

So here we go –

We went and got dinner tonight and I foolishly told the hostess we needed a table for four.  In reality, we could just as comfortably have been seated at a table with only three chairs.  My daughter, Sassy, is a clinger.  She physically hangs on me  all the time.  I keep trying to introduce her to the laws of physics and the concept that two units of mass can not occupy the same space, but she’s uninterested in higher learning.  Don’t give me any of that B.S. that she’s only six years old and can’t understand.  If she could insert herself back into the womb, I bet she’d do it.

I have a major pet peeve.  It’s Christmas lights.  Why, in God’s name (the God that created electricity and LED bulbs) can’t people take down their damn lights.  It’s the last week in January, people.  As we drive down the street at night, seeing these lights makes me yell out the car window.  By April, I will be seeking an injunction, and around August I’ll get out my sniper rifle.  I simply can’t abide the laziness that having your Christmas lights up and functioning two weeks after the holiday implies.  My Honey would like to warn those of you that are committing this infraction that I have two back up sisters and wire cutters and I’m not afraid to use them.

This last item isn’t a rant, but it might take the sting out of the harsh words from the last paragraph.  I was cleaning off my desk and found this quote:

“One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.                  -President George W. Bush

Remember, his wife was a librarian.