Danger in the desert

It was an extremely excruciatingly sad lonely day at the Bank of No Forks today.  As you know, Amy is on vacation.  In addition to Amy being out, another of our work buddies isn’t in either. If I had a dollar every time someone said “It sure is quiet without Amy here.” I could have bought lunch at Chipotle. The World’s Greatest Receptionist and I were left to our own devices.

At the end of the longest day of our lives, WGR and I congratulated ourselves for not killing anyone.  I know you’re thinking it’s more likely that someone might get killed when Amy is with us but you’d be wrong.  Our dynamic works on a 2 to 1 ratio.  Two of us will decide that someone needs to die and the third will save them.

This is a real fire ant. His name is Wendell.

For example, Amy and WGR will decide that a person who cuts in line at Chik-Fil-A must be skinned and left for fire ants to dispose of the evidence while I can’t get excited about a line cutter – my reaction is always “Calm down, ladies, she must be in a hurry and we’ve got ’til 6:00 tonight.” Or I’ll decide the guy at the Hobby Lobby is annoying the crap out of me and WGR will hate his shirt and we’ll make plans to take him ’round back to the dumpster and Amy will say “For Cricket sake, the poor guy is just here to work.”

So, you can see when two of us are alone, nothing good can come from it.  We need that 2 to 1 ratio to stay out of jail. But no one died today.  We minded our own business for once and hope to continue in that vane through the week.  Truthfully, it would just be best if Amy flew home tonight as an act of kindness to the desert dwellers here in our town.  Amy – wish you were here!