We’re still alive. So far.

Hey! Hello from the land of humidity! Holy Crap! I always forget how outrageously humid it is here. The desert where I’m from is hot. Like HOT, but it’s a dry heat. Most of the time, us Arizonans just want to smack anyone who says that inane phrase because 117 degrees is HOT no matter what bullshit you call it. A dry heat means that, when you go outside, your hair catches on fire and your face melts. Here in Florida, there’s so much moisture in the air that I’m pretty sure I’d be better off wearing water wings than make-up.

We flew for 75 hours, switched planes in Denver, and landed in Orlando on Saturday.

Our resort is gorgeous. The house is huge. The children are in a separate wing.  It’s heaven.

We went to get groceries for our time share–to make breakfast. I swear. I’m not crazy enough to consider cooking meals on vacation. We will however, make breakfast cause that affords me an extra 15 or 20 minutes of sleep a day. I love sleep. Especially on vacation.

Blahahahaahahaha

Anyway, at the grocery store I took a picture of the Mexican Food Section because it was hysterical. Remember, I’m from the home of the best Mexican food in the entire world–including actual Mexico–and this was an abomination. The tortillas were made in Georgia. Sweet Jesus (that’s pronounce Hay-zeus because we’re taking about Mexican food. Clever, eh?).

Much to Ava’s chagrin, we didn’t go to Walt Disney World on Sunday. Or Monday. Or Tuesday. “WHAT?” she shrieked via text.

We’ve not been to Universal Studios Orlando, so that’s what we did Monday and Tuesday. And we’re exhausted. HOWEVER, I did get to go to Harry Potter Land–or whatever the hell they call it–and it was AWESOME!!! We bought wands. Of course, I bought Severus Snape’s wand because I’ve long had a

Don’t do it!

crush on both Severus and Alan Rickman. My kids have been flashing their wands at everyone yelling Avada Kedavra. I have no idea where my children got the desire to off everyone. Based on yesterday’s blog, maybe it’s from their Aunt Ava.

Sassy, The Bandit, and Phil

I got a weird variation on my Chocolate Covered Frozen Banana requirement. I ALWAYS eat one in Disneyland. Always. It’s not to be debated. It’s an homage to my grandmother, Adabelle. Anyway, I decided to try one at Universal. It was a mistake. It was NOT the same and the tradition has not been altered. I’ll have to get one on Thursday when we head over to the Magic Kingdom. Just so you know, colored sprinkles seem like a good idea, but they’re not.

The next day we found a Minion. I want one of my very own, but I got in trouble when I tried to take this one home. The people at Universal can’t take a joke.

There was a big Lucille Ball exhibit. We do indeed Love Lucy. One of the things included were scads of her awards. There were Emmys and various keys to various cities and a whole bunch of others honors. Then there was this. I’d tell you what it was, but I have no freaking idea. Look at how tarnished it is. This is awful. I know a certain World’s Greatest Receptionist who is a mighty fine silver polisher. I understand she’s bored and lonely right now so Universal should hit her up.

One last thing before I sign off.

The resort we’re at shares a property line with Disney’s Wild Kingdom (or whatever the hell they call it). This is very, very exciting. I’m keeping a very close ear to the ground regarding escaped animals. If a lion should happen to wander over to our house, I have a plan. There’s a screened in porch right on the 9th green that would make a very cozy den until I figure out how to get a crate suitable for shipping.

Don’t act all surprised if you hear anything on the news.