Summer is just around the corner

Do you remember me telling you about my bat issue from several weeks ago? If not, refresh yourself here. It seems more people read this blog than we ever realized. Why else would there be an article in the paper entitled Warm Weather Safety Reminders?

First, I had to laugh at the Warm Weather comment. We’re already debating how early the first 100 degree day is going to come this year. At this rate, I’d put my money on next Tuesday.

As I read the article, I began to think it was written especially for the Sisters.

“First, let’s all give the wild animals a wide berth.” Who, me?

This is the sun – note the direct line right to Arizona

There’s a picture of an especially angry-looking bat with a caption that says, “Never touch or pick up a bat or other wildlife.”

I assure you, there is absolutely no chance whatsoever that we’re going to pick up a bat. They’re freaking scary looking. (Ava – I’ll pick one up, they’re cute when they’re upside down.) As for “other wildlife”, that’s totally happening.

Next the article suggests we “watch out for mosquitos.” Isn’t that the problem? You don’t really watch for mosquitos. You only know when there are mosquitos when you’re itchy. Perhaps it says you should listen for mosquitos. When I went to Alaska for my Bestie’s wedding, you could hear the mosquitos coming like B-52 Bombers. I’m not especially susceptible to bug bites. Actually, I rarely, if ever, get them. However, my mother and children are like a buffet for insects. This article suggests the best defense is to cover up with clothing. What clothing is this? My mother could wear head to toe netting sealed with duct tape and I’d bet there’d still be a bite or seventy.

The last bit of advice suggests you be mindful of the heat. Like you could be anything BUT mindful. You’re to wear a hat and sunglasses and slather yourself in sunscreen if you want to go for a run. Who the hell is running? Are you running from the mosquitos and the bats?

Additionally, we are to drink plenty of water. However, if there is going to be a bat and mosquito infestation this summer I’d suggest you forgo the water and go straight for margaritas. I have a theory that bugs don’t like the alcohol. Or maybe you won’t care as much about the bites if you’re drunk.

So, I’ve condensed all this advice into something useful.

Don’t go outside.

You’re welcome.