April 10

We’re writing this at 9:51am on Friday, and we’re wondering how soon is too soon to try to figure out when we can get out of work. Also, we’d like a muffin. And another cup of coffee. Good coffee — not this crap the office gets. We could go on a Starbucks run, but the car is all the way downstairs and way across the parking lot. That’s really far. You know, perhaps our biggest issue today is that we’re feeling extraordinarily lazy. You know what would perk us right up? Coffee and a muffin. Why doesn’t Starbucks deliver? Can you imagine how much money they could make on that? We’re already willing to pay $5 for a cup of coffee; imagine how much people would pay if they didn’t have to walk all the way through the parking lot and get into a hot car to get it. And what if it came with a muffin? Hey, Starbucks people – get on that, would you.

1. Speaking of Starbucks. Did you know they make grilled cheese? They do. We found out entirely by accident. We met there for lunch so we could work on some book stuff which we probably didn’t do because we have a little trouble keeping our conversations on track. We were anticipating ordering the double smoked bacon, chedder and egg sandwich, but they were all out. The horror! So we asked the barista to tell us what she did have. The third thing out of her mouth was, “We have grilled cheese.” What? We love grilled cheese. What’s not to love? The Old-Fashioned Grilled Cheese has a three cheese blend of white cheddar, yellow cheddar, and mozzarella on nice thick multi-grain bread. It was wonderful. You should get it.

Ahhhhhhhh!

Unless you intend to get it at OUR Starbucks. Then, no. Grilled cheese is not for you. Also, you won’t like the chocolate croissants either.

2. Sweet Jesus, that’s terrifying. The town in New York that claims to be the hometown of Lucille Ball has put up a life-sized bronze statue of her in a local park. Isn’t that a lovely idea? Everyone loves Lucille Ball. She was adorable and wore polka-dots. Here’s the problem. The statue is hideous. You’re thinking, “Right. How bad could it be?” Hideous is not too strong a word. The face is the stuff of nightmares. The town wants the artist to fix it, but he’s saying it will cost him $10,000 to do the repairs. We think this is a hell of a scam. The other possibility is that he’s the sculpter version of the American Idol contestant whose singing voice cuts glass and makes children cry, but who is positive they are the next Barbara Streisand. Sometimes people just need to face facts.

3. Here is another reason why fishing is a bad idea. Besides the fact that it happens OUTSIDE and in a boat far away from bathrooms and coffee houses, it turns out fishing is relatively dangerous. Oddly not for the reason you’d think, though. A guy in San Diego was standing on a boat posing with a fish he caught when a hungry sea lion launched himself over the railing of the boat and grabbed the fish. Also the guy’s hand. Fish, man, and sea lion all went all the way to the bottom of the bay. That’s 20 feet. We suspect the sea lion was just as shocked as the guy when he realized his snack was a bit larger than he’d expected. And was wearing

Youuuu light up my liiiiiife

shoes. All of this could have been avoided if the man had just stayed inside like we’re always telling people to do.

4. And you thought only in Disney movies. It turns out mice sing. Their little voices are very high pitched, too high for human ears. Starting in the beginning of their wee lives, they sing for their mommies and then later, when the hormones kick in, for mates. Turns out the males are like a whole group of Back Street Boys. They sing loud complex songs when they’re looking for a lover. Once they find her, the song gets all longer and more gentle. Like they go from Motley Crue to John Legend. That’s kinda cute. We wonder if cats can hear their ultrasonic love ballads. If that’s the case, they need to keep it down at the Bright Compound. Jojo Kitty is totally on to you.

5. Shoes that fly! Amylynn got some new kicks! Remember when you were a kid and got new sneakers and you’d race around the store to see how fast you could run and stop, and how high you could jump? Her new shoes are epic. She’s wanted them forever, and when she saw them in the store this week it was a no brainer. These might be the coolest shoes in the history of shoes. Now we’re stalking Amazon so we can be the first kid on our block to get the Lasso of Truth as soon as it’s available.