April 13

Rather ominously, today is Friday the 13th. We feel like there should be a soundtrack for days like this. You keep your eyes open, expecting something awful, and nothing ever really comes of it. Kind of a let down, huh? It’s not like you want bad luck but sometimes a little something would break up the monotony, you know? Anyway, these things are good, or funny – well at least not awful.

1. Giant George. Ava just realized that Giant George lives here. Amylynn was not aware that Ava didn’t know this vital bit of info when she showed her the book about the dog while they were at the Church and praying at the new release section. For those of you unfamiliar, Giant George is an absolutely enormous Great Dane. In fact, he’s so gigantically big that he’s the world tallest dog according to Guinness. Amylynn is no stranger to ridiculously gargantuan puppies and even she thinks G. G. is a bit excessive. Ava has made it her new mission to track down G.G. and make him her friend. Kelli isn’t taking Ava’s calls cause she’s smart enough to know where this is going. Amylynn isn’t looking forward to a visit to jail for trespassing, but it is Friday 13th so…

2. Book covers. One of our favorite things to do at the Barnes & Noble we call the church, besides pestering the staff, annoying the baristas in the Starbucks, eating the cupcakes, and cackling madly much to the dislike of the other patrons, is going on Tuesday to see what the newly released book covers look like. Lately, we’ve all been paying special attention to the YA (young adult for the uninitiated) section because honestly, some of those book covers are gorgeous. We’ve decided that we’d like silver foil on our cover. We guess we should finish a project and sell it, huh?

3. Almond Flavored Food. Yum! That’s what we say. Especially when you put it in a pastry with cinnamon and chocolate. The Quill Sisters love all things almond. Almond M&Ms come immediatly to mind. Almond cookies. Almond flavored coffee. Swiss Almond Vanilla ice cream from Haagen Daz. Great. Now we’re hungry.

4. Petty theft. We were looking out our office windows while serving time at Bank of No Forks the other day and witnessed an amusing theft. First let us explain the landscaping at BofNF. The landlords of our office building firmly believe in gardening. You’ve never seen such manicured lawns in your life. The flowers are beautiful and artfully placed about the grounds and are promptly replaced the minute they look even slightly wilty. Ava swears that she actually witnessed a man standing on a ladder dusting a tree, leaf by leaf. I don’t doubt her. That seems like something they’d commission. Anyway, we were looking out the windows and watched a man mosey down the sidewalk, seemingly minding his own business. Suddenly he stooped down, yanked out a bunch of gardenias and such, then sprint down the street with his purloined posies, dirt falling off the roots in clumps. We all looked to each other and said in unison, “Did that guy just steal our flowers?” It was almost as funny as when the bums used to bathe in the fountain at Amylynn’s old building.

5. Tyler. Ava and Amylynn went to Culver’s today for a burger. We really needed a dead cow for lunch and Culver’s has ice cream. Win-Win. While there we were highly amused by one of the employees there. We were sitting in a huge booth, minding our own business – which is, in itself a major accomplishment – and along came Tyler. He was about 6’2″ and weighed in at about 125 pounds. A total bean pole. He had a dirty white towel draped across his arm in the manner of a maitre ‘d and carried a squirt bottle as if it was a bottle of D0m Perignon. He approached our table, clasped his hands in front of him like a very patient kindergarten teacher and asked if there was anything that he could do to make our stay more enjoyable. Amylynn said, “Huh?” around a mouthful of french fries. Ava thinks the kid is in on the joke and acts like a dork because it amuses him. Amylynn only got creepy vibes from the guy and is 100% certain they’ll discover bodies in his back yard.