It’s Like Herding Cats

The Bandit has joined a soccer team.  My Honey and I finally decided that we’d punished him enough by making him sit through ballet with his sister every Saturday for two years, and he could have some fun of his own.

The kids on his team are all 3 or 4 years old, so practice and games are like very thinly controlled chaos.  Actually, last Saturday, I was pleasantly surprised at how well they did at their first game.  They don’t have goalies, and they allow the coaches on the field with the players so they can try to provide a little direction.  But really what happens is that both teams run down their truncated field – it’s only 20 yards long – in a big clump of flailing arms and legs and kick the ball into any goal.  It doesn’t matter which goal, they’re just delighted to get it in the net. 

The sidelines sound something like this, “Yea, kick it kick it kick it, run baby run, no the other way, honey run the other way, the other way, YEA! good goal, baby.”  As you watch your son kick the ball into his own goal and pump his fists in the air.  Then you mark a point down for the other team. 

After work today, I went to the park to watch practice.  It was a mad house.  I suggested to the other parents that we pitch in and get those “invisible fence” collars they give dogs and then set the perimeter up around the cones of the field.  Every time one of the kids wanders off to kick dirt clods, or go pet a puppy, or check out a bug, or just run away with the ball, they’d get a little zap.  I suspect a lot more would get accomplished. 

I finally figured out why soccer is so appealing.  You can give me all that “good parenting” crap you want about teaching them sportsmanship and team dynamics and such.  I know the real reason.  It’s because after they run around for a solid 30 or 45 minutes, they don’t give you any trouble at bed time.

I’m considering having The Bandit run along side the car when he’s picked up from preschool on non-practice days.