October 12

Today is Winnie the Wonder Mutt’s birthday. She’s one. That would be one of our favorite things except that we found a bunch of other things to like better. Also, we’re not especially fond of Alpo cake. It’s been a very pet centric week. Jojo Kitten got fixed. It was absolutely time. Our kitty was getting very teenager-y with his desire for satisfaction. He kept molesting Amylynn’s arm which was very weird and not at all something she encourages. He did very well during the whole veterinary affair right up until we gave him his medicine. That did not go well. He was very angry. VERY ANGRY. It’s a good thing there was this stuff to keep us amused.

1. Giant blue eye. So this guy found a giant blue eyeball on the beach in Ft. Lauderdale. How giant? Softball sized. Seriously. It’s really beautiful – teal and indigo and enormous. They think it might belong to a giant squid or a whale. Think about that. Down there is some huge squid/whale with a gargantuan eye patch. Ava and Amylynn think it’s going to prove to be not of this world. We

If you play your cards right, this could be a foil wrapped piece of chocolate instead.

propose that it’s an alien eyeball. If they figure out who or what it belonged to, they should call Canada. Those people have whole boxes of unclaimed feet up there.

2. Chocolate = Nobel Prize. Some of the smartest people in the world eat a bunch of chocolate which we didn’t find outrageous in the least as we eat a ton of chocolate and are brilliantly witty. Not only did the latest study show that the countries that eat the most chocolate per capita also win the most Nobel Prizes; it gave a hell of an argument for moving to Switzerland. We’re checking into it.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

3. Horrifying inheritance. Another guy from Florida is in the news for inheriting his father-in-law’s 13,000+ piece clown collection. We understand if you stop reading here. Frankly, the only thing more horrifying and disturbing than this story would be if spiders were involved. This guy was really excited about it. He is quoted as saying, “Once you put this paint on your face, and when you get it in your mouth, you get it in your blood and now you’re a clown forever.” It’s entirely possible this article was written by Stephen King. He wants to open a museum for all this stuff. We’re all for it. Keep that crap together, all locked in one place, for the good of mankind.

4. Big Bird Commercial. The whole nation is talking about this commercial and the debate where the original statement was said that started all the controversy. We’re not amused by the politics and frankly were just counting down the days until it’s all over – 24 by the way. What we do find hysterically funny is the commercial the other campaign made in response. It’s freaking funny and the guys who threw it together should get an award or something. When that giant bird silhouette goes over the building we choke with laughter. “Only one man dare say his name….”BLAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA

5. Huge freaking diamond. The Archduke Joseph Diamond is going up for auction in November. It’s expected to sell for around 15 million dollars. Whew! We think that’s a steal for a 76.02 carat, flawless white diamond from the famous Golconda mine in India. If someone buys us that rock, we will abandon our pursuit of a panda or five. Just think about it.