NEW RELEASES
With all that giggling, we’re never going to have new careers as conwomen
I have a fascination with aliases and pseudonyms. When I was dating eight million years ago, I used to tell guys whom I wasn’t really interested in that my name was Linda. That’s super funny now. Ava claims she never used a fake name in a bar, but surely she’s lying.
Anyway, we’ve come up with our new fake names. I’m going to use Babs Hightower and Ava’s gonna be Tina Tipple. The only problem I see is that, when I Googled mine, it turns out there is a real Babs Hightower.
Obviously, we don’t plan to start dating anytime in the future. Ever actually. We can’t think of anything worse than that prospect. Ick. So then I thought we could be Babs and Tina at Starbucks. Ava thinks we’ll never pull it off because one of us will start giggling.
She’s totally right but I’m gonna give it a try.
Dear real Ms. Hightower,
I promise never to order anything embarrassing with your name attached. Really. I hope you’re alright with an iced, Venti, non-fat Chai with light ice. It’s quite tasty.
You can use my name at Starbucks if you want to.
Best
Amylynn
By the way, we stopped off at Starbucks during lunch today. Unfortunately, my epiphany about our new names came after. Never mind. That’s not the point.
Santa Claus and Salvatore Dali were having coffee! True story!
I remember in college my best friend and I came up with alias names to give young men if they wanted our name and phone number but we didn’t really want them to call. We gave them numbers like dial a joke, or the Las Vegas police dept. dumb stuff like that. My name was Jessica Phillips. Much more exciting then my real name I thought. Well—————-one night we drove out to Lake Mead where all the best college parties were held, and were looking for a party we were invited to. We ran into a group on nice looking guys that were very Interesting. We wanted to party with them, and thru the conversation we discovered they were looking for the same party we were. Kismet! So we of course wanted to tell them our real names, especially when the one I liked said, ” You don’t look like a Jessica to me.” So after I gave my real name of “Martie”, he said much better. Well here is the best part. And I turned to my best friend and said, “and this is ————————-! I drew a total blank on her real name because we had been using our fake names so much. She thought it was hysterical, and wouldn’t tell me what it was. There you have it, and of course, alcohol was involved.