I’m getting PTSD from the laundry room

I am offering up household hints today.

I have learned things over the years that I am happy to pass along to you dear readers. Important things. Life and death things. Like how to get crayon out of every single piece of clothing in the house. I have this down to a science. I blame cargo pants and restaurants. I know that seems a bit disjointed but it’ll all make sense when I explain. There is no way to effectively check every single pocket in a seven-year old boy’s cargo pants without putting your hand in there which is something I do NOT recommend without chain mail gloves and even then you’re taking your chances. The restaurants are a problem because they insist on giving your child crappy fake crayons upon seating. No matter how many times you tell your children not to take them from the table when you leave, and how carefully you frisk them before you depart the premises, the damn things show up anyway – either covering your clean clothes or melted into the interior handles of your car in the summer heat.

If you need a sure-fire, but tragically time-consuming, way to get the crayon off, give me a shout out. I’ll divulge the secret.

Another thing that crops up around the house that people want to find a fix for is how to quickly defrost a chest freezer. The most effective way I’ve found is to get yourself a mischievous orange kitten and allow him play around cabinets in the laundry room where the appliance is plugged in.  Before you know it, the freezer is completely defrosted and all you have to do is throw away all your meat. No fuss, no muss – no hairdryer or chipping away at frost. Couldn’t be easier. Who wants $250 worth of Costco meat junking up your freezer anyway?

You know, come to think of it, both of these incidents happen in the laundry room. I don’t think I should go back there.