There’s Really a Guy Named Dick Trickle

I took The Bandit to his best friend’s birthday party last weekend.  They have been best friends since infancy, and he and his best friend share the same first name, only with different spellings.  My son immediately began calling the other boy by his surname and that stuck.  It’s really quite charming.  He, his friend, and a couple of other boys have all been together for their entire pre-school careers.  My Honey christened them The Four Toddlers of The Apocolypse.  Unfortunately, they will be split up finally as they head off to different kindergartens – 2 to private schools and the others to charter schools – you see what faith we have in the public school systems?

Anyway, the moms and I were hanging out at the party.  I really like these moms and hopefully I haven’t completely pissed them off and they’ll still invite me to stuff and let me be friends on Facebook.

One of the moms said that she had her baby’s name picked out.  “I didn’t know you were pregnant,” I said.  “Congratulations!” 

“Oh, I’m not pregnant yet, but I have the name picked out,” she told me, laughing.

“All right, I’ll bite.  What’s the name?”

“Damien blah blah.”  I have no idea what the other names were that she said.  I totally stopped listening after Damien.

Why? Why would a parent name their child Damien.  You all know exactly what I’m referring to when I say that name – even if you’re like me and can’t handle even the simplest horror movie.  You’re thinking of The Omen aren’t you? Of course you are.  These children are doomed.

“Yeah, but none of the other kids will know what it means,” she protested.

But every single parent will.  Every single teacher will have a preconceived notion of that child.  I promise you.  There is no one I know broadminded enough to think to themselves after being introduced to a Damien, “Gee, I’ll wipe my brain clean of maniacal children on tricycles throwing their mothers off of balcony’s and assume that this particular Damien is wonderful.”

One of the other moms piped up and said that her ex-husband was a Damien and she named her first child Cain.  She said she deserved everything she got tempting fate like that.  I have to agree.  People won’t name their child “Billy” because they remember some kid in grade school that was named Billy and he ate paste, but they’ll name their child after the Devil’s spawn.  I just don’t get it.  And that goes for Lucifer as well. 

“I also have a girl’s name picked out, too,” she offered.

“Oh yeah?” I said.  “Which one is that? Jezebel?”

And that’s when I think I was crossed off all the future guest lists.