NEW RELEASES
Just So You Know . . . ordering a cheeseburger without cheese does not make you funny and only confuses the crap out of the teenager behind the counter.
Just So You Know . . . if you elect us president, everyone gets their choice of a kitten or puppy paid for by the GSA.
Home for wayward felines
Somehow I became a foster-mother. My new child is very, very small, orange stripped and the bluest eyes you’ve ever
The scrape on his hand was not from Jojo
seen.
My children named him Jojo.
It’s really My Honey’s fault. My Honey is taking Sassy and The Bandit camping at the lake with Ed and his girl so he’s been spending the weekend working on the camping trailer and our boat. I had been watching the hockey game and dozing in a chair under the air vent because it was 103 degrees on Sunday. My children were off in the house somewhere, presumably making a mess. I heard meowing, the loudest meow ever, but I didn’t really pay much attention because I assumed it came from a video game or a cartoon. It wasn’t until I was called out to the front porch that I saw the baby. A tiny little ball of angry, he spit and hissed and tried to sound vicious.
My Honey found him in the boat. There is a stray momma cat who is like a baby making machine. We’ve tried countless times to catch her and take her to the Human Society but she’s elusive. The biggest problem is the idiot neighbor keeps feeding her. I don’t have a problem with feeding the poor thing, but the idiot neighbor doesn’t take into account that Momma Cat keeps having her kittens in our boat, under our shed and various other places on our property, ruining the carpeting in the boat and generally creating all kinds of trouble over here. We’ll catch a glimpse of a kitten, streaking by, and then never again you know they are just coyote food or getting run over. Clearly, we couldn’t let that happen to Jojo.
With my boy looking slightly crazed
I was all for finding him a new home. I called everyone I could think of. I tried Ava first because she and the girl who lives at her house are dying for a kitten. Ed didn’t see it that way. I sent her a picture with the following message: Are you my mother?
Ed said No. Unequivocably.
So did all the rest of the people I tried. Who was I kidding. We all know the tiny kitten was going to live at my house. And it’s all My Honey’s fault. Finally, we can blame one of the pesky pets on him. At least a kitten is a lot less maintenance than a puppy.
Jojo started out just shy of feral but one long evening of feeding him from my fingers and cuddling with him on the couch all night long and he’s completely joined the family. The dogs adore him – especially Winnie, who I was most concerned about because she’s really
Winnie and Jojo sitting in a tree...
just a baby herself and kind of a galoot. Jojo fell in love with her instantly, even tried to nurse from her but that freaked Winnie out completely. Wouldn’t it you? He swats at her ears and Winnie gives him baths. I see a long love affair ahead. Roscoe is mildly entertained and let Jojo walk around on top of him for a few minutes until his dignity could tolerate no more. The Old Man cat, Geddy, is in denial, but I’m sure he’ll come around eventually.
So now I have a wee kitten – we downgraded his age from 6 weeks to about four or five. He’s really, really small and quite uncoordinated. Ava and I clipped his razor-sharp claws and bought him some kitten formula. He sleeps a lot, but when he wakes up he’s like a crazed animal. So charming.
I must say, I’m quite attached to him already. Dammit.
Just So You Know . . . two venti Starbucks in one hour might be one too many.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . a nice bright lipstick is an excellent counter balance to the coming dreary election season. Shop now, ladies, shop now.
Maybe it’s because we require he wear pants?
So now Ted Nugent isn’t taking our calls.
Ava and I were reading the newspaper and were delighted to discover that the Secret Service had cleared him from wrong doing. We were quite certain he’d appreciate a congratulatory call from us. We weren’t able to find a phone number at that time, but we did learn that he would be playing the county fair in two weeks.
Light bulb!
I discovered an email address to his assistant, a very reasonable person named Linda.
I fired off a quick email.
Good morning.
My Sisters and I were delighted to see that Ted was cleared by
the Secret Service. We also noted that he’ll be playing the Pima County Fair on April 28th. We’d love to extend an invitation to Ted for lunch from the
three of us. We’ll buy of course. We’re definitely not crazy, just a bit
silly.Feel free to let us know if there’s a particular restaurant he’d be
interested in visiting. If there’s one thing we know, it’s good food.Our best,
Amylynn, Kelli and Ava
The Quill Sisters
We received a fairly quick response.
Thanks for the kind words!
While it does not appear Ted’s schedule will permit, we hope you enjoy the show!Best regards,
Linda Peterson
Assistant to Mr. Nugent
Only she also included her phone number. Apparently, she really took my promises that we aren’t crazy to heart. Still, that may not have been the smartest move on her part.
You know what else we discovered? Dee Snider of Twisted Sister fame is going to be at The Church next month for a book signing.
Does anyone else smell a restraining order?
April 20
It has come to the attention of the Sisters that our talents are being wasted on our respective jobs. Especially Bank of No Forks. You’ve never seen two people read the newspaper with such dedication as Ava and Amylynn. Once we get to giggling there’s really no hope. The things this week all derived from either reading the local Picayune or internet news. Everything here made us damn near hysterical. We only hope that we can properly communicate to you our thought processes. It may not be feasible, though, because we understand that we might be mildly retarded and we blame corporate America for that. All we know for certain is that Kelli often looks at us in bewilderment and that can’t be good.
1. Glow in the dark money. Canada is on it. Not only did they 
decide to stop making their version of the penny – a smart move as far as we can see – but they did other nifty stuff as well. First, let’s all agree, the penny is useless. If you give three of them to a checker so you can get a quarter back in change they spontaneously combust out of confusion. The only thing they’re useful for is giving to children to throw into fountains. So, smart move Canada. The next thing is glow in the dark money. GENIUS. How fabulously helpful for the Tooth Fairy for one. Also, we’d kind of like to take some of those to a strip club and see how that plays out. We’re totally heading up to Canada to check it out. We are going to keep an eye on our feet, though.
2. Limb repair. No, not for trees. This is a seminar we think we should go to. One of the main topics of discussion is 
“present-day revolution in replacement parts.” Why? Because if we’re going to go up to Canada to check out the money situation we don’t want to have to spend all that time worrying about our feet falling off. We have a LOT of shoes between the three of us and it would be a shame to have our feet “naturally separate from our bodies” with no recourse whatsoever. We’re going to sit in the audience with the octogenarians and ask a million questions until we’re asked to leave. We have to admit that we got to laughing so hard over this particular article that there was snorting.
3. GSA Spending. We’ll be honest here and admit that we had no idea what the GSA did before there was a scandal. Turns out, they’re the nations “landlords”. That’s all you
need to know. We were going to apply but we may be too late now for the gravy train. We love a good money waster in Las Vegas and were totally in UNTIL we read that they spent money on clown costumes. If there’s going to be clowns then we’re not going. We don’t like clowns. We don’t like balloon animals. The two go together like crazy and straightjackets. In fact, clowns
before pants were invented
may be the most effective Sister repellent on Earth.
4. Ted Nugent. Apparently the Secret Service is going to interview the Motor City Madman because of some things he ranted about in terms of Obama. Have they never paid attention to Mr. Nugent before this? He’s always ranting about something – out there on the stage with his compound bow and loin cloth. He’s crazy but we think mostly harmless. Except for that loin cloth thing. That really has to go. No WAIT! We meant replaced with something else. Something like pants. Yes, pants for everyone. We vote for pants. Speaking of pants…
5. Criminals. There has been a bunch of interesting ones lately. Take for example, Mr. 
Klundt. We like his name even if he’s not a good bank robber. We think Klundt sounds more like a Muppet or a Scooby Doo villain than a hardened criminal. That word is almost as much fun to say as Yemen. Next we have the naked protestor guy in Portland. If you are unfamiliar, he was protesting being searched at the airport. Well, if there’s one thing that will insure that no one will touch you it’s to strip down to nothing and invite them. So we googled his picture. That was a mistake. He looks very Portland-y with a giant beard. Do you suppose they let him put his clothes back on when they arrested him because no one should be expected to sit in the back of a cop car naked. That can’t be sanitary for the next guy. What we’re really wondering is who gets to decide how big the black bars are to hide the offensive parts. In this situation the bar needed to be WAY bigger. We’re just sayin. You ever notice the people desperate to be naked are never the ones you want to see naked? That seems criminal, doesn’t it?