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Theoretical cosmologist on a Harley Davidson

I was reading an article about Stephen Hawking, the world famous physicist and cosmologist and author of A Brief History of Time, today and how the medical community is studying him – not because of his outstanding brain, but because he’s lived so long.

The man is a hero of mine – because of his brain. I find super intelligent people absurdly fascinating. And sexy. Honestly smart people who are also funny run my sexy meter way up there – putting looks into third place. Unless you look like Jax on Sons of Anarchy. That’s just eye candy.  But if you could merge the two of them together….

Wow – that was a hell of a tangent.

Back to Stephen Hawking who, for the record, I don’t find sexy. It’s the robot voice. I may find smart people sexy but I’m still disappointingly shallow at heart.

Tangent alert #2.

How much do I love this picture - 2 years after his diagnosis

Really – back to Stephen Hawking. The man was diagnosed with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or ALS or Lou Gehrigs disease when he was 21 and given two years to live. He is turning 70 on Sunday which means he’s lived like 50 years past his life expectancy. He still doesn’t even use a ventilator to help him breathe. They say he’s still alive by sheer force of will. I suspect that means that he doesn’t whine all the time over hang nails and when he burns his tongue on hot coffee like some Sisters I know.

Hawking communicates solely by twitching his right cheek which registers on a wee little infrared sensor in his glasses which feeds the info to his computer which then selects words on his computer screen which are then spoken aloud by the famous synthesized robot voice. It can take him up to ten minutes to finish a complete sentence. Who else thinks this is mind boggling? The sheer amount of patience involved with this… Wow.

If I was sitting in his office, I’ll bet it would take him less than ten minutes to tell me to stop babbling and sit the hell down. I tend to bring that out in people. 

Now – knowing his limitations – keep in mind that until 2009 the man was the Lucasian professor of Mathematics, the same position held at one time by Sir Isaac Newton (!), at Cambridge University in England. Now Hawking holds the frivolous job of being the director of research at the Cambridge’s Centre for Theoretical Cosmology. What must be going on in this man’s head all the time? How frustrating that he can’t just say these things. The sheer level of brilliance is mind boggling.

I, on the other hand, am just impressed with myself in that I was able to shuffle both the brilliant Stephen Hawking and scrumptious Jax Teller in the same blog post.  I’ve covered the meat & potatoes and dessert all in less than 500 artfully strung together words.  Hardly genius, but talented if I do say so myself.

In Our Humble Opinion . . . the FBI should look the other way when you try to find your teenager a new family to live with on Craig’s list.

In Our Humble Opinion. . . Shane Doan would have appreciated a big smooch from us after his hat trick yesterday

But I don’t want to go anywhere cold or where there’s big bugs

Did you know that the ATM at the The Vatican Bank is the  only bank in the world that will allow you to perform your transaction in Latin?  This fascinates me and I really have no idea why.

I long to see “Etiam iaculis mollis Identification Number ergo press penetro.”

Doesn’t that sound more interesting than “Enter your PIN, then press enter”?

Do you think if I went to Vatican City for the sole purpose of using the ATM so I could report back on this blog about the authenticity of the Latin claim that the IRS would allow the expenses?

While I’m there I’ll check out that ceiling that gets so much attention and probably grab a plate of spaghetti and a little eggplant Parmesan since I’m in such close proximity to Rome.  Maybe I’ll toss a coin in the fountain for good luck.

I think this could be a really popular feature for the blog and now I’m super excited about it. I could fly around the world and check on interesting and outrageous claims such as this one. What other things have you heard about and wonder if they’re really true? I will totally get on a plane tomorrow and check these things out.

Secede si vis pecuniae lego vel ineo amount recedere. That’ll be 1,000,000 Euro please – before there are no Euros left.

In Our Humble Opinion . . . Ron Paul looks like a garden gnome.

In Our Humble Opinion . . . the saying “With All Due Respect” means you are about to be disrespected.

January 6

Yo ho ho (and a bottle of rum). It’s 2012. We’ve decided to live it up. You wanna know why? Cause the Mayans say it’s all gonna end this year. Well, the Mayans didn’t say it exactly. The Mayans don’t say much of anything anymore. The doomsdayers say it, but those guys will say anything. Nevertheless – it’s a great excuse to get a cupcake and a cappuccino and whoop things up. You not only have our permission, you have our encouragement. Sip your drink and find out what amused us this week.

  1. The Big Bang Theory. We’ve written about this before, but that small blog post isn’t exemplary of how often we talk about it. The show is outrageously funny. Not just slapstick, although there are periodic pratfalls, it’s also brainy – but in a good way. And kudos to the producers for finding the stupendously talented cast. Kaley Cuoco as Penny is often overlooked by the hysterical Jim Parsons as Sheldon. The rest of the cast is equally good. Kaley can drop a deadpanned look with genius comedic timing. The recent additions to the cast of Mayim Bailik and Melissa Rauch, and the frequent guest appearances of Laurie Metcalf and Christine Baranski have only made it better. Start at the beginning and watch them all, but for the love of Zeus, don’t miss The Luminous Fish episode. We almost peed ourselves over that episode.
  2. Bunnies for Ron Paul. Stop the presses. The ladies of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada have come out to say they support presidential candidate Ron Paul. They call it, “Pimping for Paul”. Apparently there was a great deal of discussion about their candidate. They almost went with Newt Gingerich, “because he’s a cheater and we appreciate a cheater”, but ultimately they chose Mr. Paul. Why do you ask? Because “he knows what women want and what women’s needs are.” Apparently, this is because of his experience as a gynecologist. Of course, this means he “knows his way around a woman.” Swear to the god of the underworld, that’s what they said. So ladies and gentlemen, with a glowing endorsement like that, we’d like to introduce you to our new president. We’re moving to Brazil.
  3. Hello Kitty. We worry about people who don’t like Hello Kitty. There is absolutely nothing to NOT like about Hello Kitty except possibly how much her stuff costs. For those of you put off because you think she’s not smiling. You’re mistaken. Just look how happyshe is.
  4. Prehensile porcupine. We’re having some difficulty getting the red panda herefrom China. We’re not happy about this, but we haven’t given up hope. We’re thinking we might have to set our sights on something with a better chance of immediate satisfaction until wecan iron the wrinkles out of that other thing. We’ve decided on a prehensile porcupine. Just look at this cutie patootie. They come from Central and South America so ROAD TRIP! Also, we’re fairly certain we can convince people at the border that it’s a dog. We’re not even a little bit worried about it poking us with the quills. We’re the Quill Sisters. It’s obvious we belong together. This is a text book example of symbiosis. It’s like the universe wants us to have a prehensile porcupine. So now you’re asking why go all the way down South to get this particular porcupine aren’t you? Hello. Tail. Jeez, it’s like you people aren’t even thinking.

    SQUISHY Mitt Romney

5. Other presidential candidates. Sometimes, the Sisters just love listening to reports on the radio.  Just this past week, a reporter became so flustered when he was asked about Mitt Romney and his “sort of” win in Iowa that he said, and we quote, that Mitt Romney was a “moderate squish”.  Yep, you read that right – the word he used was SQUISH.  Squish for goodness sake.  Do adults use the word squish?  Do adults on the radio use the word squish?  They do!  All to the sister’s delight.

In Our Humble Opinion …people should hit their brakes before they hit the back of your car.

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