We would like it noted that none of the five things involve food this week. Well, one sort of does but we’d NEVER eat it. Just read on – you’ll see.
1. Giraffes. There was a tragic, senseless death at the zoo this week involving an apprentice zookeeper, oleander clippings, and two
giraffes. We don’t pretend to know what really happened, who was at fault, or exactly how in the hell oleander clippings got in the giraffe barn to begin with because our information is coming from local news and the Picayune – neither of which is reliable. At this point, one of the two giraffes who were fed the poison has died and the other looks like she will make it. Nevertheless, while we’re still in negotiations with Groupon for Kibblesmith the Cat and Spice the Pony, we are more than happy to take the remaining three giraffes into our custody. Many things go wrong at the Sister’s respective houses, but at this time no one has been poisoned – not that we haven’t considered it. PS – there are rumors the lioness might be pregnant. Stay tuned for more zoo high jinks as soon as we figure out a way to get ourselves a lion cub.
2. Snackerel. One Sister is currently reading The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie. The man writes in a lovely lyrical style that makes us swoon. So lovely in fact, one particular Sister has him on her short list of people she’d leave her husband for (that’s a blog post I’ve been begging her to write). This is a passage we find particularly delightful: When the giant came to life that night he saw Argalia and said, “Aha! A snackerel! Excellent!” We’re totally keeping that word.
3. Angelina Jolie is a wack-a-loon. We discovered that Angelina’s children enjoy eating fried crickets. She
likens them to potato chips. She claims they love them so much “I had to actually ban the cricket eating at a certain point because I was afraid they were going to get sick from too many.” We say exactly one is too many. We’re sick just thinking of it. Also, if she thinks fried crickets taste like potato chips then she’s eating the wrong potato chips. We suggest Lays Classic as an alternative. Ava has a particular fondness for barbecue flavor (She is certain they are served in hell). One last thing to prove our assessment of Ms. Jolie. She claims at this point to have not eaten “tarantulas on a stick” or “spider soup”. “It does seem like an odd thing to eat,” Jolie admits of the tarantula pop. “I don’t know if I can get around the fur, but you’ve got to try everything.” FUR!?! Oh, hell no. Our policy is never to eat things with legs numbering more than four – unless they are from the ocean.
4. Pluto. The planet not the Disney character, although we’re sure he’s
perfectly nice, too. The Sisters have all felt bad since Pluto was demoted, but now astronomers have found another moon orbiting around the little bugger. That’s four moons! We say Rock on, Pluto! Good for you! Earth is an actual planet (at least we think so but we’re still waiting for our latest issue of Astronomical Stuff We’re Not Really Smart Enough to Have Valid Opinions On) and we only have the one lame moon. ALSO, Pluto’s moons all have really cool names like Charon, Nix, and Hydra while Earth just gets “moon”. Boring. I think we could have tried a lot harder, don’t you?
5. Shelley & Carol at FedEx Office and Ric at the United States Post Office.Amylynn sent off the manuscript of her second book to her AGENT today. Shelly, Carol and Ric were instrumental in making that happen. Honestly, Amylynn went to the FedEx office full of trepidation as a previous experience didn’t go well. Not this time. Shelley was a dream. Ric, who’s name really is missing a “k” even though his mother named him Richard (we asked), offered excellent and polite advice without rolling his eyes even once. That, dear readers, is an accomplishment. We’re fairly sure he asked for a medical leave of absence after we left.
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