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December 16

We hope you’ve mailed off your letters to Santa by now. Have you done your Christmas cards yet? Us neither. Last year we’re not even sure if they ever actually went out. That’s pretty pitiful for a bunch of writers, but what can we say. We tell you everything on this blog already…. What do you need a card with Santa and a bunch of penguins on it for anyway? You know we love you. Sigh. Fine – we’ll make the effort to get them out this weekend. These 5 things, among others, were what were distracting us from our seasonal chores.

1. Hellboy. We really wish we could explain our fascination with Hellboy, but we can’t. We watch either of the movies anytime they’re on TV. There’s a lot to love. We haven’t read the comics he is derived from, but we love the movies directed by Guillermo del Toro and adore Ron Pearlman as the title character. It’s a damn good thing we knew Ron first from Hellboy because if all we knew about him was the evil character he plays on Sons of Anarchy….well, that would be bad. Hellboy loves cats and chili and Baby Ruths. He’s an overgrown adolescent in a huge body, including one hand in the form of a giant club. He constantly cracks wise. Now that we write it, that may be the root of our love of him. Anyone with a great snarky comeback or a snide remark is OK in our book.

2. Elves Four Food Groups. The movie Elf is one of the greatest Christmas contributions in the last several years. Will Ferrell as Buddy is a genius. When he launches himself at the tree to put up the star….well, we rewind that over and over. According to Buddy, the four Elf food groups are: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup. We totally could buy into that diet. We figure you’d be so hyper from all the sugar that you’re bound to lose weight just from the running around. Not that anyone would notice any difference in our level of hyper, but at least we’d have something to blame it on. Remember, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

3. Kerfuffle. We were reading an interesting article on MSNBC the other day about how atheists ramp up their advertising budget around this time of year. In an effort to spread the awareness and to give the timid atheists out there an opportunity to come out of the closet, there are many displays which often cause the religious among us to, well, to freak out. MSNBC described one such incident as a “kerfuffle”. OH. MY. That is our new favorite word. Kerfuffle. Doesn’t it sound like a made up word? NO! It’s not. Mostly used by the English (the Great Britain English not us American English speakers) it means a fuss or commotion. All this time, we thought we were being difficult to wait staff and baristas but, no, we were causing a kerfuffle. Go ahead – use it in a sentence today. We give you all permission to cause a kerfuffle in our name. When the police come, you can blame us. It won’t be the first time.

4. Elizabeth Taylor auction. We are anticipating very exciting Christmas mornings at the Quill Sisters compound this year. Elizabeth Taylor’s estate auctioned off her jewelry this week. The 33.19 carat Richard Burton Diamond sold for $8,815,500 and the necklace Burton gave her, known famously as La Peregrina, went for a perfectly reasonable $11,842,500. A pretty little diamond bracelet Michael Jackson gifted Liz went for six times the pre-auction estimates. The Quill Husbands know of our love of sparkly things AND classic Hollywood so we have every confidence the “Asian buyer” was really an agent entrusted to pick these items up for our very busy spouses. We suspect you’ll hear the squeals all the way under your own trees on Sunday morning.

5. Sufganiyots. The local Picayune had a headline that simply could not be ignored this week: Eight Days of Donuts. If you’re eyes and ears didn’t just perk up, well, perhaps you’re dead. Apparently, those unassuming Jews have been hiding a very pertinent fact about Hanukkah. We can’t understand why they’d keep quiet about the fact that there are EIGHT days of donuts. Are they trying to keep them all for themselves? Honest to Moses, this may be the best reason to convert yet. These little donut gems are described as “reminiscent of beignets” and are stuffed with fruit jams or custard and sometimes, hold on to your yarmulkes, caramel and fudge. Some are even filled with spoonfuls of cheesecake. We’re all a quiver just thinking about it. We have no idea how to pronounce them, but we want some right now. This fits right into the Elf diet in #3. We fully expect to slip, sated and happy, into sugar comas by New Year’s Day.

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