Sarcasm did not get me a discount…

So I’m getting the kids registered for summer day camp. The package of documents to complete is like three inches thick. I don’t know how to answer for some of these questions.

Take this one for instance: At what meal is your child hungriest? Hungriest for what? For a well-balanced meal? Depending on the meal and the child, pretty much never.

 The inanity continued.   Here is how I completed the rest of the questionnaire.

What foods does your child dislike: Please see attached list.

Does your child nap during the day?: Hahahahahahahahahahaha **deep breath** Hahahahahahahahahaa. Don’t you wish. However, if it is required, I’d be happy to come by around 2:00 and take his nap for him.

Would you say your child is: ____ easily managed ____ normally managed ____ difficult to manage. Compared to what? Death row inmates? Students of Miss Manners Academy. Does the counselor have tender sensibilities? If the Bandit calls her stupid will that upset her terribly? Where does Sassy’s death glare fit in? You should understand that my children are infinitely nicer to strangers than they are to their own mother. Is it alright if I check all three boxes?

What concerns do you have about your child’s present behavior? Please see Appendix A.

In what ways would you like to see your child develop during the next year in our program? Is there anything you can do about making them act civil? Also, chores. Make them want to do chores.

Does your child play with imaginary friends? No – all his friends are very present, very loud and very real.

What are you child’s favorite outdoor activities? Running around, screaming and yelling like a wild indian; leaving items from the kitchen in the dirt in the back yard; stuffing weird things in the mailbox.

What are your child’s favorite indoor activities?: Touching all their mother’s stuff; making enormous messes; Being excessively loud.

What pets does your child have?: 1 idiot dog, 1 black licking machine, 1 crabby tom cat, 1 mini-tiger with a biting fetish

How much TV does your child watch each day?: Don’t judge me!

I turned in the completed paperwork, such as it was. They made me give them $428.00. You’d think for that they would keep the children, but no. They still expect their father and I to pick them up each day AND TAKE THEM HOME WITH US.

I know, right? I asked them just exactly how much it would take for them to keep the kids but we couldn’t come to an agreement.

 What stupid questionnaires have you filled out? Better yet, how have you answered them? Why do people ask such stupid stuff?