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Let the resolutions begin

Amylynn and I have come up with a truly original new year’s resolution: We’re going to lose weight.  We know that’s cutting edge – so we wanted to share it with you.

As I’ve confessed right here in the past, I have a diet problem.  I’ll try almost any diet that comes along.  Generally, Amylynn refuses to go along with this foolishness. I’ve only been able to talk her into a few of them.

HOWEVER, last week she said “We’re going on a diet in the new year.”  That’s pretty much like telling me I won the lottery.  A diet?  With a friend?  WooHoo, I’m freaking in!

So as not to scare her, I suggested we start off with a simple 1200 calorie-a-day diet.  Nothing fancy, just a serviceable diet.  All the while knowing I was going right on the internet to find a new fangled diet to try.

Drum role please . . . I found the diet to end all diets.  Seriously.  It involves ice cream, cheesecake and bread.  Seriously.  It’s called “The Carb Nite Solution”.

We’re starting tomorrow and will keep you posted as the weight drops off.  I feel thinner already.

****Notes from Amylynn**** Honest to God, she has come up with the most ridiculous diets you’ve ever heard off. If she heard a testimonial from some whackadoo that eating freeze dried worms and orange juice would cause you to lose twenty pounds, she’d have me driving all over Hell and gone to find freeze dried worms. Only the smelliest health food store would have them and they’d be $75 an ounce, but she’d do it.

This time it was my idea. It’s a diet philosophy that makes sense and I’ve studied up on it and know the science works.

All I know is that I’d better get thin cause I’m sick of this.

I have book signings to go to this year and I need to be svelte.

2 Responses to Let the resolutions begin

  • Tara Simone says:

    My version of this was to join a gym, you know that big chain gym that sponsors the biggest loser. As it is open 24 hours a day, and it is located next to the supermarket/starbucks there that I am in daily, there is zero reason to not stop in the gym. Actually, if you go the gym at say 11pm, you can run out at 11:55 and into the supermarket before it closes at midnight and buy your sushi so that you can eat dinner before bed like any normal New Yorker. I know this can be done because I have done it.

    Also, all the cardio machines have those nifty headphone jacks so that you can listen to one of the many tv screens. It is great fun to go on Sunday evenings as I did tonight and plant one’s ass on the recumbent bike and watch The Biggest Loser for 2 hours. During which I have to bite my tongue to not laugh out loud. Yes, I have a sick sense of humor, but when the cue the sad music over a video of the contestant stuffing their face in a restaurant bemoaning their situation, how can one not laugh at what passes for entertainment these days? Us Americans are a sick bunch to exploit each other in such ways. I came home and made a fabulous pasta dinner to compensate myself for all my hard work – cue the sad music and video of me eating.

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