The book is out! Oh. Sweet. Lord. We can’t believe it. And wait till you see the cover for the second book – Miss Goldsleigh’s Secret. Exquisite. Also, we’d like to mention in passing that the diet continues on. Some of us have had more success than others. Some of us are NOT happy about that and have become obsessed with the internet over it. Yes, obsessed. We know the definition of obsessed and this definitely qualifies as a clinical diagnosis. Also, we’d like to know if anyone out there is a doctor who will write us a prescription for a therapy cat? Anyone? Your rewards could be more compelling than we’re willing to list out in public. Think about it. While you’re musing that over…
1. Giant Thievery. There are a lot of things to like about Germany. Strudel for instance. Lederhosen on the right fellow can be quite fetching. Perhaps his name is Gunter and he has thick blond hair that curls around his ears and collar. Maybe you met Gunter on the autobahn when your Porsche got a flat and he stopped to assist. It’s possible that he was so smitten with you he offered to give you a ride in his white Mercedes Van and when you looked in the back you saw a giant cookie sculpture. That would explain who stole the one from in front of a German bakery in Hanover. But who cares because it’s Gunter and he’s adorable and, honestly, if the Sisters had seen the cookie sculpture first, we’d have stolen it too. Nevertheless, the cookie is back and all is well in the world.
2. Exciting jury duty. There was an assault trial in Philadelphia that centered around a bar fight that caused one of the combatants to lose an eye. That’s awful and we’re sorry that happened, but if it hadn’t happened we wouldn’t have this unfortunate incident to be amused by. During the victims testimony on the stand apparently he cried so hard his prosthetic eye popped out – in the middle of testimony. Are they supposed to do that? We don’t think that sounds right. Thank God he has good reflexes and caught the thing otherwise the jury could have been even more traumatized than they already were. The whole event ended in a mistrial, which is probably better than ending in everyone crawling around on the floor looking for an eye.
3. Richard III. Has been found. Damn good thing because the milk carton he was on was getting pretty ripe after 500 years. What the hell he was doing dying in a grocery store parking lot is beyond us, but that’s where they found him. We understand they’re going to change the Shakespeare play to read, “My kingdom for a shopping cart that doesn’t pull to the left!”
4. Action Figures. Apparently every one has an action figure except the Quill Sisters. Ours is going to come with two plump women reading on a park bench in front of a bakery. We figure if Barack Obama gets one we should too. The president’s is titled Obama Skeet Shooting President Action Figure from a company named HeroBuilders.com. Based on the title, we imagine you can deduce the accessories that come with the doll. This company has already issued the Anthony Weiner, Bernie Madoff and Balloon Boy’s Dad dolls. We SERIOUSLY hope the Anthony Weiner doll is not anatomically correct. We’ve already seen enough of that for a life time. Anthony Weiner is no Gunter, that’s all we can say.
5. Cafe Francais. We found a new bakery. A French one. We maxed out our credit cards over there at lunch today. Tomorrow is cheat day on the diet and we take our cheating very seriously. Everything in the case looked really lovely. It’s a damn good thing because the girl helping us behind the counter was dumber than fondant. She claimed it was her first day hoping that would give her a pass on our ire. Not so much. Amylynn was going to offer her a tutorial on the usage of tongs in case that would move her training along at a reasonable rate. The owner was a plumb, thickly accented French women. That’s a sure sign of a good bakery by the way. Don’t buy bakery goods from skinny people. It’s just not worth it. Anyway, because the brain trust behind the counter was such a disaster there was a pile up at the cash register. This caused a very old, crabby person to get angry and storm out. We’re here to tell you that it would take a hell of a lot more than that to cause us to leave a French bakery without our little white boxes. We talked it over in the car afterwards and we think someone might have to actually hit us to make us leave and even then we’re not completely sure we’d leave right away.