Tra la la la la. It’s the Friday of a three day weekend. That makes us enormously happy. And why shouldn’t it? Any time we’re not spending more time at Bank of No Forks is a good time indeed. This week has been completely horrendous. Awful. If we were crying kinds of people, there might possibly have been tears at some point in the week. Instead, we tried to think happy thoughts and sang songs from
Mary Poppins but changed the lyrics. We did find some things to chuckle about. Don’t worry – we’ll share.
1. Pope. It’s clear now that no one thought the Pope was allowed to quit, but apparently he can because he has. Quit. Even if he’s not allowed to quit, who’d going to tell him? Is there anyone around with the official capacity to boss around the Pope? What he needs is a bossy best friend. They’ve worked wonders in our lives and I’m sure that he would ultimately see the benefit. Nevertheless, he’s retired so now the whole world is wondering who will be next. Ava is absolutely certain her phone will ring by the end of the week. If Ava’s the Pope then Amylynn gets to be the Camerlengo. If you don’t know what that is, look it up. Amylynn has interpreted that to mean Boss of the Pope. So now that we have that established, we’d like to
know, do we get new hats or do we have to use the old hat the other guy wore? Does the retiring Pope get to take the cool robes and stuff with him? All we’re saying is that when WE retire as the Pope et al, we’re cleaning house. We’ll be able to retire on an island after all the sales on Ebay.
2. Cat’s are evil geniuses. In Brazil the authorities at the jail in Arapiraca thwarted a cat who had snuck into a prison with a cell phone and drill bits strapped to his back. Unfortunately, the article we read was sadly ill informed. There’s never enough information in these stupid stories. Did the cat have any indicator which prisoner he was sneaking the contraband in for? Or was any inmate who could catch him allowed to use the tools? Why just drill bits? Is there some way we can’t fathom where you can use a cell phone as a drill? Is there really an app for that? Or was there an earlier cat who snuck in with the drill and they failed to mention him or he was never nabbed? Damn it, people. This is important stuff.
3. Scotland is hysterical. We love ponies. We love sweaters. It only goes to serve that we’d ADORE ponies IN sweaters. Isn’t this the cutest damn thing you’ve seen in ages? Ponies in sweaters. Holy shit people. And these sweaters are freaking adorable, too. They have buttons. Sweaters with buttons on ponies. What kind of geniuses thought up this travel-to-Scotland campaign? We’re booking our tickets next week. Do you think a Shetland pony will fit in a cat carrier for the plane ride home?
4. Richard Burton. The Sisters have never professed to be lovers of great poetry. Of course we can appreciate the famous Sonnets and we really adore a little Suess-ian level rhyming. What we generally don’t find the appeal in is poetry of the love-sick variety. We came upon this little doozey by Richard Burton for Elizabeth Taylor. “My blind eyes are desperately waiting for the sight of you. You don’t realise of course, E.B. how fascinatingly beautiful you have always
been, and how strangely you have acquired an added and special and dangerous loveliness.” We understand the words. We understand the pining sentiment. Perhaps we’re the only people on the planet who are not tangled in the enthrall of this poem. Well, he was often drunk, right?
5. Bonuses. Sing it with us, won’t you? Give us a B! Give us an O. Alright enough of that nonsense. Still bonuses totally rock. Bank of No Forks actually pulled it off. Everyone let’s go shopping! In Scotland!