Ava’s on vacation in Central America this week.

So I have all kinds of fun things to talk about today. I wrote myself a sticky note and attached it to my computer so I could add to it all day long as interesting things occurred. The very first item on the agenda is Imagination. I have absolutely no idea what  that’s supposed to mean. At least I can read the writing, huh? Maybe as I go through the list it’ll come back to me. I’ll be honest though, I don’t hold out a lot of hope. 

The most exciting thing was that Julia Quinn talked about Miss Goldsleigh’s Secret on Facebook. Ms. Quinn thinks I’m “lovely”. LOVELY! I am. Or at least I believe it now based on her endorsement.

Along the same lines, I’ve received several fan letters. Fan letters. Can you believe that? Me neither. Every time I get one I squeal with glee. How incredibly awesome that a reader takes the time to send me a note. Sigh.

I’m telling you that fabulous purse my 1st book bought me has been one of my best advertising tools yet. I must get seven or eight complements a day on it, and every time some woman says, “Oh my God, I love your purse!” I get to say, “My book bought it for me” which opens me right up to tell them all about my books. Thank you, Michael Kors.

Then, in an outrageously exciting last 50 seconds of the 6th game of the Stanley Cup finals, the Blackhawks won! It was a fabulous series which almost made up for the fact that the season was cut short by that stupid strike.

Lastly, I get this picture from My Honey this afternoon. That is my fat little boy. Look at that belly.

I still have no idea the the note, “Imagination” means. I’ll bet it was the wittiest thing I’ve ever thought. Ever.

Ah well. Look at the kitty again. It’s all good.

Have you ever been on an extended diet? It’s not fun. Even when you’re on one of those diets where you’re really never hungry, you’re still deprived of yummy stuff you want. Half of our office has been dieting together and that has meant four of the pissyest women you’ll ever meet. We’ve all become obsessed with the strangest foods. Our receptionist won’t stop talking about Chipwiches. Are you familiar with Chipwiches? They are the most delightful concoction of chocolate chip cookies with a scoop of vanilla ice cream sandwiched between them. An ice cream sandwich on steroids. She keeps whispering, “Chipwich” under her breath as if to hypnotize us into climbing into the car and driving to the grocery store in a stupor only to return with a case of Chipwiches. While we were losing our minds, we were also laughing at these things.

1. Jimmy’s still missing. It was 38 years ago that Jimmy Hoffa went missing and they’re still digging up yards in Detroit looking for his body. What if they find him? What will they do then? We think it’s really better if we just leave him missing. For several reason but mainly because he will be really icky if they find him now. We’re just saying. And maybe he’s not dead anyway. What if he’s living on a Caribbean Island somewhere enjoying his old age? Regardless of where he is, if they find him, think of all the FBI agents who’ll be out of work? And all those books from the library which will be debunked. This is a cottage industry we’re talking about and we think there are more important things our nation’s police could be doing than looking for Jimmy. Like making the guy a couple of houses down quit riding his motorcycle 75 miles an hour down our street. One more thing – we think Jimmy Hoffa might be a good name for our panda, that way no one will be able to find him if they come looking? Brilliant?

2. Cronuts. Let us introduce you to cronuts. What, pray, is a cronut? This little morsel is the bane of dieters everywhere. The unholy union of croissants and donuts. A frosted, deep fried croissant. No, indeed, we are not messing with you. Here’s the deal. These little beauties have become all the rage in Manhattan. People started lining up hours before they go on sale. Pretty soon scalpers got involved. Now, there is a Manhattan company who will bring you a cronut anywhere on the island for the paltry sum of $100, and a twenty piece set for $5,000. We want to make sure you understand the bakery itself sells them for $5 a piece. We’d also like it mentioned

that our little backwater town has had cronuts for years. You can get them at the Basha’s for $1 and there’s never a line. New York ain’t all that.

3. Liliger. It’s all over. If ever there was a fuzzy creature that could turn our heads from a panda it’s a liliger. This particular liliger was born in a zoo in Siberia. Her mommy is a 1/2 tiger, 1/2 lioness – a liger. Her daddy is a lion. We’ve named her Bernadette. She will be ours. According to Google, the driving time from here to Siberia is around 50 hours assuming you’re going 60 miles per hour. We shall not

A chandelier?

drive 60 mph. That’s ridiculous. There is a liliger on the line. We need to get there while she’s still small enough to fit into Amylynn’s purse.

4. Royal Ascot. It’s been a very long week. It’s hot out and you just want a damn cookie. You think the whole world is occupied with people just as crabby as yourself. Then along comes Royal Ascot. Please, for your own well being, follow the jump and take in the slide show. If we didn’t tell you it was for a horse race, you’d think it was a Dr. Seuss convention. We understand that this event has become an occasion of each person trying to top the next, but a few of these are so astounding your jaw will hang open. Or maybe the whole thing is just a very convoluted way to guarantee yourself more personal space. With some of these hats you couldn’t get within five feet of the woman.

5. Banned from driving. We’ll bet you think this one’s about Ava, don’t you? Nope. The only reason it isn’t is because Ava would never be caught dead on a scooter. That’s a recipe for disaster. No, this one’s about Gerard Depardieu. The French actor has been banned from driving in France because he was so drunk he fell off his scooter and hurt his elbow. Mercifully, no one else was involved in the accident. So now that you know he’s been removed as a menace to sober society, you can laugh at how ridiculous he is. Falling off scooters and peeing in the airplane aisles. Yuk.  It’s a good thing he owns a vineyard because the man takes his wine consumption very seriously.

So while I was stalking my book rankings on Amazon like a obsessive compulsive idiot, I started stalking other people, too. Apparently, I’m not happy cyber stalking only myself.

So I sent a Facebook message to Sue London the author of The Trials of Artemis. I introduced myself as someone chasing her on the rankings and congratulated her on her success. Turns out Ms. London is very charming and generous. You find the nicest people when your being creepy. I don’t think anyone should take that last statement as an endorsement for creepy behavior. I really just lucked out.

Anyway, she invited me to her blog, www.WritingInsight.blogspot.com, so I’m over there today. Come see.

I’m just hoping I mind my manners and don’t embarrass Ava while I’m over there. Maybe she has a puppy.

I woke up with a migraine this morning. I can’t remember the last that’s happened or if it ever has. Usually, I get hit with one midday, out of the blue, like a Mack truck.  I took all the prescription medication I’m allowed in one day and pulled myself together to get the kids off to summer camp and myself to work.

I had to come to work because I had a training today and there was a corporate person in the office.

Already, that last part puts us all in a super crappy mood. Worse than our usual mood, which is seriously saying something.

My headache persisted, a heavy, aching weight in the back of my head. I ignored the corporate guy which was really best for everyone, but we had to know that good luck wouldn’t last.

Near the end of the day he wandered into my office. I glared at him, but he kept on coming. The receptionist was watching from across the lobby with a look of horror. If he had any smarts at all he would have noticed my expression and inquired as to the location of the men’s room and fled, but no.

“Hi,” he said. “You have a few minutes.”

I gave him a steady look and took several beats to say, “All right.”

He proceeded to ask me questions about my opinions of Bank of No Forks. And I told him.

I could see Ava banging her head on the desk across the hall, and the receptionist kept walking past my window making wide, meaningful eyes at me.

Among other things, he wanted to know what my greatest accomplishment was lately. I was assuming he meant as related to Bank of No Forks so I didn’t mention my fabulous book sales. I mentioned that I managed to come in to work everyday with clean underwear.

I am not the person you send in to a room hoping I’ll keep my mouth shut. That sorta thing never works out. I really wish I was kidding about this.

I’m a feature on the Long Ago Love blog. Pop over. 

AlSO

I’m signing books for Lady Belling’s Secret and Miss Goldsleigh’s Secret at MOSTLY BOOKS (Speedway and Wilmot) today from 2:30 – 3:30. Stop by.

On Friday I’m appearing at Kadee McDonald’s blog.

We had a fun chat and we got a little drunk.

Head over – I’m giving away free copies of the book – ebook or paper – Winner’s choice.

Besides, what else do you have to do?

The Sisters are desperate to get out of Bank of No Forks. Desperate we tell you.

Before we go to the expense of a telethon, we though we’d check out some other possibilities.