I think Shoebox nailed this one as usual.

Since I’ve been writing like a maniac for the last two weeks, both with pencil and keyboard, I thought this especially interesting on my calendar.

Although she ranks as one of literary history’s most prolific authors, Agatha Christie never once set pen to paper.  She was afflicted with a learning disability called dysgraphia, which prevented her from writing legibly.  As a result, she had to dictate all her novels.  Here’s hoping the poor typist got combat pay!

I would like to point out that Ms. Christie wrote romance novels under a pen name, short stories and plays, and most memorably – 80 detective novels. 

I know that her secretary had a tough job, but I’m thinking too – how very frustrating for Agatha.  I write deep into the night.  What if she thought of something good or solved a plot problem and her secretary wasn’t around.

Gad!

As you may remember, a very dear friend of mine has taken it upon himself to pose for potential covers for my books.  Apparently, it’s become quite a hobby for him and he’s thinking about wardrobe and staging – every component of the cover.  And he keeps sending me pictures on his phone.

The following is a series of texts from us yesterday.  The beginning is a bunch of nonsense about the Stanley Cup Finals that we are both avidly watching.  Then comes the good stuff:

K: I have my next cover attempt for you

Me: All right.  Lay it on me.

K: This one is hilarious so I must get your word on confidentiality before sending i.e. no public access.

Me: Holy shit! I’m terrified.

K: Haha.  You should be.  I do enjoy trying to mock the ridiculous covers of romance books but I’m gonna need an oath.

Me: I swear on all I hold dear (cupcakes and Bruce Springsteen) I will not share.

Then he sent the picture – which despite his hilarity – I won’t share with you.  But it is really, really funny and charming in a way that warms the cockles of my sarcastic little heart.

But then the true hilarity ensues.  His wife finds out about it so he sends it to her.  In his words back to me: “This is so good… J wants to see the pic.  I say ok.  Send it.  Now, she sees her husband half naked in a pic he’s sending her and no problem.  But messy room!!”

How exactly like a woman is that?  Half naked pictures of her charming and hilarious husband and she’s freaking out about the messy bedroom in the background.  And I have to agree with her.  I would totally be mad if My Honey sent pictures of our messy bedroom regardless of what’s in the foreground.

To J:  Honey – I never noticed the bedroom.  I was much too amused at your goofball husband.

This is from one of my favorite blogs – Shoebox.com

I don’t know about you but I’ve attended these very meetings.  Sometimes they are in the guise of a soul-sucking conference call.

Someone actually asked me – ME – advice on getting published.  I told her what I know and directed her to a few places for more information, but really what it comes down to is persevering.  Getting published is way harder than writing the book. 

Even when you stupid book isn’t done yet.  But that’s anther post.

Anyway – on the note of perseverance, I give you this from my daily calendar.

It took Charlotte Bronte a while to learn the publishing game.  Her first novel, The Professor, was turned down by several editors.  Each time the manuscript was returned to her, she sent it to the next publisher without removing the rejection letter.  Soon it was circulating with a collection of rejection slips piled on top – not exactly a ringing endorsement for her writing ability.  No wonder The Professor was published only posthumously.

Oh dear, Charlotte!  Imagine how she must have felt once she figured this out.  Especially back then, when just mailing something must have been an exacting chore.  I can’t imagine.

Of course, she eventually figured everything out.  You know Charlotte as the celebrated author of Jane Eyre.

***As you may remember from a past post, there is an awesome agent that is interested in seeing my completed novel.  There is only one problem – I don’t have a completed novel.  The Sisters and I tore it all apart and I have been in the process of rebuilding it.  I even stopped working on it because stuff was happening with the novellas I wrote.  As we all know, that is just the call the universe is waiting for to prompt activity on a project you’re no longer working on.  So my new job is progressing agonizingly slowly.  I have no computer and that means I can do absolutely nothing.  I’ve been there for three weeks on Tuesday.  BUT that means that I have lots of time to write.  BUT that also means that I’m writing with a pencil.  UGH.  I’ve done well over 3,000 words with that darn pencil.

The reason I brought this up is, once again, to praise Google.  I wanted to use the word “decibels” in my story but then I worried that word didn’t exist in 1810 London.  So I looked it up on my phone.  Turns out no – sometime in the 1920’s they started measuring sound.  Writing historicals is such a pain in the ass.

***My Honey took me to a movie.  I got to see Prince of Persia.  It was a good action movie – lots of great sequences, the CGI is great.  I really enjoyed it – but, as you know, I love those kinds of movies.  I also love this:

 Ava does not think Jake is attractive.  I think Ava’s on drugs, or she fears that her husband will read this.  I don’t know, but the evidence proves that she is mistaken.

Also, My Honey wants to know what the other teams are paying for the Brazilian midgets they are importing over for their teams.  I have been flabbergasted by some of the other kids in this league.  They are all playing in the 5-6 year old bracket, but something is amiss.  Either we start utilizing the stupid law our brilliant governor enacted and check for IDs or we start DNA testing for Pele or Beckam genes.  Speaking of Beckam .

I took The Bandit to his best friend’s birthday party last weekend.  They have been best friends since infancy, and he and his best friend share the same first name, only with different spellings.  My son immediately began calling the other boy by his surname and that stuck.  It’s really quite charming.  He, his friend, and a couple of other boys have all been together for their entire pre-school careers.  My Honey christened them The Four Toddlers of The Apocolypse.  Unfortunately, they will be split up finally as they head off to different kindergartens – 2 to private schools and the others to charter schools – you see what faith we have in the public school systems?

Anyway, the moms and I were hanging out at the party.  I really like these moms and hopefully I haven’t completely pissed them off and they’ll still invite me to stuff and let me be friends on Facebook.

One of the moms said that she had her baby’s name picked out.  “I didn’t know you were pregnant,” I said.  “Congratulations!” 

“Oh, I’m not pregnant yet, but I have the name picked out,” she told me, laughing.

“All right, I’ll bite.  What’s the name?”

“Damien blah blah.”  I have no idea what the other names were that she said.  I totally stopped listening after Damien.

Why? Why would a parent name their child Damien.  You all know exactly what I’m referring to when I say that name – even if you’re like me and can’t handle even the simplest horror movie.  You’re thinking of The Omen aren’t you? Of course you are.  These children are doomed.

“Yeah, but none of the other kids will know what it means,” she protested.

But every single parent will.  Every single teacher will have a preconceived notion of that child.  I promise you.  There is no one I know broadminded enough to think to themselves after being introduced to a Damien, “Gee, I’ll wipe my brain clean of maniacal children on tricycles throwing their mothers off of balcony’s and assume that this particular Damien is wonderful.”

One of the other moms piped up and said that her ex-husband was a Damien and she named her first child Cain.  She said she deserved everything she got tempting fate like that.  I have to agree.  People won’t name their child “Billy” because they remember some kid in grade school that was named Billy and he ate paste, but they’ll name their child after the Devil’s spawn.  I just don’t get it.  And that goes for Lucifer as well. 

“I also have a girl’s name picked out, too,” she offered.

“Oh yeah?” I said.  “Which one is that? Jezebel?”

And that’s when I think I was crossed off all the future guest lists.

I don’t usually use the blog to this kind of thing, but then I thought to myself, it’s my stupid blog and if I want to, who’s to stop me?

So – Here we go.

To Michelle

Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday Dear Miiiiicheee-eeelle, Happy birthday to you.

And just a little of your favorite eye candy cause I love ya!

Have a great 21st birthday.

The following is a list of reasons why I am having a nervous breakdown.

1. I have about a million e-mails to go out for the 2011 Tucson Festival of Books.  Our committee is way ahead of the curve but, I have a lot of work to do.  We have some reallybig names in romance slated to come: Mary Jo Putney is the latest, but also, Julia London, Kat Martin, Karen Hawkins, Angela Knight, and Jennifer Ashely.  It’s gonna be huge!  But still, I have a lot of work ahead of me.  I am the idiot in charge of publicity.

2. I have about a million submission to read and give my opinion on for Keith Publications.  I’m a moron.

3. I have this new job that is keeping me…..NOT BUSY AT ALL! But I’ve been promised a computer on Thursday.  That will be just short of 3 weeks.  I hope to god it works when it gets here. 

4. My daughter, MY DAUGHTER, the girly girl who lives at my house who made me call her Cinderella for a large part of her 3rd year on this earth, is now asking people to pull her finger.  I swear to you this is true.  I couldn’t possibly make up anything this heinous and absurd.  Pull her finger – good Lord.  I can’t even go into her room half the time due to the stench.

5. My son has a death wish and it will be everything I can do to keep him alive this summer. 

6. I have several interviews to do.  I’ve sent Kelli the interview questions for her to complete and I have to write up some questions for another author’s new publication with www.dinkwell.com (the sister site to Wicked Ink Press).

7.  I have a blog tour coming up the week of June 21st.  For that event, I’ve already been sent three sets of interview questions that I need to come up with witty and intelligent answers for.  It would be nice if I could come up with answers that are slightly different for each event. 

8. Kevan Lyon, one of my top dream-list agents, has asked for my full novel, Seeing Love Clearly.  This is unbelievably exciting.  BUT, it’s not done yet.  I’ve been rewriting it for a year now.  My lap top is broken so my only solution during the day is handwriting – with a pencil so I can constantly erase.  I have no idea how Jane Austen did it.  I’m losing my mind.

I think I can hear a waterfall up ahead.

Kelli’s novella The Duke Of Desperation and  mine, The Sea Rose, are up on the Wickedinkpress.com site.

.