A woman had a baby in a Barnes & Noble this past week. She went in there to buy a book. The stupid news article

didn’t say what book. Good Night, Moon? What Do Labor Pains Feel Like? How to Deliver a Baby in the Self-Help Section?

Damn it, it just kills me when they don’t answer any questions.

Also, what the heck was she doing there anyway? Where were her people? Was this her first kid or her seventh?

Clearly this woman needs assistance.

We don’t know what’s going on here, but we’re having a hell of a time concentrating on anything. We’ve flit from one thing to another all day. It’s taken hours to write the Five Things and a ridiculous time trying to get our Bank of No Forks work done. We’ve wandered over to the jigsaw puzzle, touched all the pieces, and then wandered away again. We keep opening our writing projects but there has been no new words added there either. We’re fairly certain we haven’t finished a single conversation all day. Before you suggest that we’ve had too much caffeine we’ll tell you that we didn’t even finish that today. Hopefully we make it through the funny things…

1. People making stuff up. The Sisters drug themselves over to the neighborhood Chipolte for lunch this week. This sign greeted us at the counter. Go ahead and read it (click for a bigger pic). We’ll wait here and munch on some bacon while we wait. So now we ask you, who the hell is “bacon-averse”? What does that even mean? Amylynn accused the kid behind the counter of making that up. No one is “bacon-averse”. At first we thought we didn’t even want to know anyone who was averse to bacon, assuming that they’d be so philosophically far from our point of view that they wouldn’t be worth knowing. On second thought, wouldn’t that just mean more bacon for us? We’re off for BLTs for lunch.

2. Poulet – part deux. We read an article about how many more colors chickens can see than humans. We didn’t learn an actual number but it amounts to a crap-load. They can see totally different rainbows than we can since they can see infrared and scads of other colors. Now don’t you somehow feel cheated on an evolutionary scale? We do, still we’re not keen on laying eggs in exchange for more colors. And we don’t like exercise so we’re not going to start crossing a bunch of roads for no damn reason.

3. Naps. A new study about sleep suggests that your brain uses its down time to clean up in there. The scientists described it as a cleaning spree, saying that it “flushes out gunk that builds up while we’re awake.” We resent that we’re always working. Jeez now we can’t even enjoy a nap knowing that our brains are in there Lysoling everything down. It’s ridiculous. The other thing that disturbed us about the article was that it stated, “despite decades of research, scientists can’t agree on the basic purpose of sleep.” Seriously? If we don’t get sleep some of us are excessively cranky. Have they never met a three-year-old? The only thing we learned from this was

that we need to start applying for more scientific study grants. Just as soon as we take this na….zzzzzzzzz.

4. Pancake and Sugar Tree. Sounds yummy, right? Totally not. If you put these in your mouth you’re going to be very sorry when you come away with a bunch of pet hair in your pie hole. Pancake is a kitty who just won her mother $10,000 from the Friskies Awards people who award prize money for kitty videos on the internet. Sugar Tree is her Doberman best friend and they both live right near us. We found the video and were not especially impressed, but then we may be jaded because Jojo Kitty is the best kitty EVER. You can go decide for yourself (follow the jump above). Also, we learned that Pancake’s Mom also owns camels, emus, sheep and ostriches. Why the hell do all these people get all these animals and

we can’t have anything? So un-freaking-fair.

5. Reasons to celebrate. Today is National No Beard Day. Look if you need a reason to drink – or shave – then here you go. We’d like it noted that we don’t have beards. Never have. Not really looking into acquiring one. Nobody said anything about leg hair, which we have because regardless of what it says on our dashboard thermometer, the calendar says it’s winter. Surprisingly, we don’t have a very strong opinion about beards. Crazy, huh? We have strong opinions about EVERYTHING. Beards are alright by us so long as you don’t have owls living in there. Especially when they’re worn by Robert Downey, Jr.

Do you realize there are less than 90 shopping days until Christmas? 69 days until Ava’s birthday. Sooner, but no less important, it’s only 4 days till the start of hockey season. Can you believe how time just FLIES by? Remember when you were a kid, adults were always trying to tell you that time passed so quickly and you didn’t believe them. Wow, it’s so true. We don’t really like it. Sadly, no amount of complaining makes time slow down. Unless you working at Bank of No Forks. Then, for at least nine hours a day, time moves at the

speed of a tired sloth. Good thing we have all this time to screw around and find funny things. Things like these.

1. Kiwis to the Antarctic. We learned that a New Zealand airline is planning regular flights to the Antarctic. When we heard this we thought, well that will be an opportunity lost. The Sisters have no plans to go to the Antarctic because it’s very, very cold there, and we don’t do the cold. Once the temp outside hits 70 we’re complaining about the bitter weather and digging out the fur coats. Then we read further in the article and discovered it’s only for scientists and their support crews. Now we’re disappointed we won’t be allowed go. That’s discrimination and now we feel like complaining about it. We don’t like being told no. We’re smart enough to be scientists, we just chose to write a snarky blog instead. Still, we probably wouldn’t be scientists that study “cold” anyway. We have no idea why

any of this upsets us. We only include it to show you that we are very self-aware of our craziness.

2. Mindful bears. Did you know that if a bear wanders into your bar in Juneau, Alaska all you have to do is yell, “No bear! Get out! No! You can’t be in here!” and said bear will go back outside? Who would have thought that wild bears can mind better than children? We’ve tried yelling that exact same thing (substituting “kid” for “bear”) and nothing

happens. Because we wanted to go about this scientifically (see #1) we tried calling the kids “bear” but that didn’t work either. Really, we’re so confused.

3. Cruelty to elephants. The 24-year-old elephant in the zoo is pregnant. We are beyond delighted by that news. At least we were until we read that the zoo keepers have every intention of making certain Litsemba gets plenty of exercise during the pregnancy. Did you know the gestational period for elephants is 24 months. TWO YEARS! They’re going to make that poor girl exercise after she’s been carrying an ELEPHANT around in her stomach for TWO YEARS? Jeeez, and they wonder why pregnant women are so nasty.

4. New money! They’ve redesigned the $100 dollar bill. They’re describing it as “glitzier”. Oooooh. What’s not enticing about glitzy money? There is part of the Declaration of Independence and a quill and ink well that changes color. To commemorate the occasion, we’ve called our local Federal Reserve bank and ordered up a sheet of uncut bills. We requested one suitable for framing. They asked what credit card we wanted to use. Well, none of course. We’re the Quill Sisters. It has our name right there on the bill. They hung up on us. What the hell is that all about? They’re printing 2.5 billion new bills and they can’t spare one sheet of them for the namesake? All that complaining and now that black car is sitting in the driveway again.

5. Faux Filibusters. We’re always thinking of new careers. Bank of No Forks will do that to you. This latest opportunity was one we’d never even considered. Honestly, we didn’t know it was even a thing, but now that we do know, we’re getting business cards made up. Filibusters R Us. So you know how we prattle on here at the blog? We can do that in person too. Our husbands are always asking what we could possibly have to talk about since we spend nine hours a day together and then still manage to have things to say via text all evening. Don’t you run out of things to say? No, indeed. We do not. Trust us when we say we could stand in front of Congress and talk for twenty hours. We wouldn’t even have to read Dr. Suess.