Have I told you lately how in love with my iPhone 4S I am? I’ve never had a call dropped. I don’t have to have a negotiation with it to make or answer a call. The battery life is super long and the applications are, of course, extensive. Additionally, when you want to use one of the apps they simply open up on the iPhone as opposed to my old Samsung Piece O’Crap which would dither for ten or fifteen minutes trying to decide.

God, I hated that phone.

Also, I love Siri with a love for a machine that should not be named. Not only is she brilliant, but she’s lovely, too.  I’m damn near certain of it.  I even like the commercials for Siri. Especially that one where a young musician asks her all kinds of questions, has her perform some nifty tasks and then asks her to call him “Rock God” which of course she agrees to because Siri’s a really well-behaved personal assistant.

I didn’t even know Siri would call you anything other than the name programmed into the phone. Frankly, it doesn’t surprise me. She does so many remarkable things. She remembers who my mom and dad are, who my sisters are and who lives in my home.

This new revelation got me thinking. What should I have Siri call me? Oh, the options are endless. Mistress Amylynn has a certain appeal as does Ma’am.

“Yes, Ma’am,” she would say.

“Certainly, Mistress Amylynn,” she’d reply.

‘My lady,” has a nice Regency ring to it.

“Your Majesty” might be a little bit over the top.

Did you know the proper form of address for the president of a German university is Her Magnificence.  At the same university if I’m feeling like an especially well-read professor Siri could call me the Highly Learned Madam. In Spain thatsame person would be Her Most Excellent and Magnificent Lord.I really like those, but they may be a bit too long tolisten to every time she addresses me.

How about Most Benevolent Sister? If you ask Sassy today, it might be Mommy Dearest. My  mom always called me

Tsarina's Imperial Crown

Chickadee, but I’d really like to go with something a little more outrageous. My father’s term of endearment, Bird Legs, is totally unrealistic at this point and, in fact, it sort of depresses me.

My grandmother used to call me AmycomeBameyTeeAligoFameyTeeLeggedToeLeggedBowLeggedAmy but that’s kind of a mouthful for my cyborg assistant.

I’m overwhelmed at all the possibilities. Any suggestions?

Sometimes, while I”m watching the Grammy’s, I wonder if these people have ever rehearsed these songs. Or maybe they’re drunk.

Bruuuuuuuuuce opened the show. As far as I’m concerned he can do no wrong. He’s going on tour again this year. Anyone who claims (brags) to be less that 4.75 degrees away from The Boss should definitely do something about that.

I see the Beach Boys stopped fighting long enough to sing Good Vibrations. I watched, riveted, waiting for a slap fight to start-up, but I was disappointed.

Adele is so gorgeous – her stunning voice besides. I love when she speaks. Her accent is so thick you really have to pay attention to follow along. And her performance was fabulous.

My Honey wasn’t impressed with the Paul McCartney song. I did sound like something Tony Bennet would have done. If anyone is listening, I think it would be a great duet.

I can’t imagine how Diana Ross can sleep with all that hair. She might have owls living in there and she’d never know.

Every time I see Taylor Swift sing live I want to kick the ass of the guy who invented Autotune. Without that computer program the girl would be a fairly successful song writer but she sure as hell wouldn’t be singing.

My Honey would also like to know who Chris Brown blew to get to perform two times. You know what I say? BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!

They let The Foo Fighters play twice which was totally fine with me. When I win the

Honest to God, I have no idea

lottery, I’m totally renting them to play the party. It will be so awesome. Dave Grohl is one of those guys I think would be a real hoot to goof around with.

You know what we don’t get? The Acid Mickey Mouse. I think we’re too old. Or

I have even less of an idea

You know what we really, really, really don’t get? Nicki Minaj. What the hell iswith that? I suspect the Catholic church had a collective heart attack during her performance. I haven’t seen anything this bizarrely associated to the church since Madonna did Like a Prayer.  And this from an atheist.

One final note before I sign off to watch the season premier of The Walking Dead. I don’t think Paul McCartney combed his hair. Ava will not be impressed.