May 17

Well, we’re glad that’s over. This past week at Bank of No Forks has been brutal. Especially after coming back from vacation. You know how when you come back from vacation you can never remember your job? Or your passwords? No worries. BofNF switched Amylynn’s job while she was gone and no one  else knows what they’re doing either. We fit right in. Ava participated in 75,264 conference while Amylynn was gone and still has no f**king clue. You know what makes that so funny? It’s totally true. Knowing what we go through every day, is it any wonder we spend so much time screwing around on the internet? It’s good for you cause we finds lots of funny stuff to tell you about. Let’s start with these five.

1. Good penmanship. In January, President Obama nominated his Chief of Staff to be the new Secretary of Treasury. Ever since Jacob Lew has been practicing his signature. Apparently, it’s so bad as to be unreadable and apparently that isn’t good if you’re going to be signing all the new money. A series of loops that bear no resemblance to “Jacob Lew” simply won’t do. We guess that’s why Ava’s never going to be nominated for the Sec of Treasury because it wouldn’t matter how many months she practiced her handwriting, it would never be legible. We wonder if Mr. Lew is left-handed too?

2. $600,000+. There is no point in you buying a Powerball ticket this week. The Sister’s have that all sewn up. We’re so confident that we’re going to win that we’ve already spent a good deal of that money. See item #3 below. And we contacted a real estate company in the Caribbean to find us a nice little island. Also, the diet is over because we’ll be paying to have ALL that fat sucked out. We’re done with this nonsense.

3. DIAMONDS! We love diamonds. We think it might be genetic. Gina Lollabrigida just sold a 74.53 carat yellow diamond ring that used to be owned by the Shah of Persia. It sold for just shy of $3 Million. Also, a 101.7 carat flawless diamond ring just sold for 26.7 million. Are you not sure how big that is? Go find a baby and have them make a fist. That’s a 101.7 carat diamond. It looks gorgeous around our necks.

4. Harry and Chris. Two of our favorite men were tooling around New Jersey together. Prince Harry and Chris Christie. They played on the boardwalk. They toured disastrous sites. They were funny and charming. Girls all over the North East swooned and craved an ice cream. When we heard they were in the same state we started cruising the internet for pictures. We really wish we’d been invited because this would have been a fun field trip to be on. Chris is hysterical and Harry is adorable.

5. Drinking on the job. We don’t actually get to do this, but for all the attention we get paid down here in BofNF Pergatory, we could build an entire bar in our office and start charging people and no one would know. Starting Monday we’ll be running a special on margaritas. Besides, the day’s go so slowly we need something to keep us occupied. We have fairly decent health care here so we can all do rehab next month.