July 26

As we write this it’s pouring outside. We tried to convince Bank of No Forks to let us close because of the river flowing through our parking lot, but unless there is a hurricane or an epic tornado, we have to stay here until 6pm. Does that seem fair to you? Us neither. Sounds like regional discrimination to us. We’re calling the AFL-CIO, the President, the Dalai Lama, Human Resources and anyone else who’ll take our call. So far we haven’t had a lot of luck and the guys in the black Chevy Caprice are back in the parking lot. Why do our ideas always end with government guys in Foster Grants following us around Target? Here’s some funny stuff.

Charlie should rethink this hat

1. Charlie Sheen did not win. Much to our dismay, Charlie Sheen did not locate the Loch Ness Monster. To say that we are disappointed is a massive understatement. We thought if any one would find Nessie, it would be Charlie. He drinks tiger blood for Zeus’s sake. When the shy monster didn’t show up, he stated it was because it was afraid of him. Just imagine the look we’re giving him now. Still, we do think if the opportunity arises, we’ll make friends with Mr. Sheen. After all, how often do you get calls in the middle of the night to

Doesn’t he look vicious?

jump on a private jet and zoom over to Scotland to find a monster? Think of the fodder for this blog.

2. Adam and the cheetah. In more insane Hollywood news, Adam Sandler was attacked by a cheetah while on Vacation in Africa. Perhaps the cheetah has seen Jack and Jill. We’re just sayin’. In all reality though, when we watched the video it was like watching a future moment in the lives of the Quill Sisters. Except that if it was us, we’d be squealing, “Again! Again!” like lunatic five year olds being swung in the air by their favorite uncle. Now we’re all curious. Do cheetah’s have soft belly hair like our Jojo Kitty, or is it course and thick like the tiger we got to pet that time. We’re going to have to get a Kickstart account so we can get enough money to go to on safari.

3. NASA’s SWAT team. While we were in Atlanta minding our own business at the restaurant that served delicious blueberry pancakes we learned that we’ve been totally cheated. According to the Wall Street Journal, every single place in the entire country has their very own SWAT team except the Quill Sisters. At first we were incensed. What the hell does NASA need a SWAT team for? How about the The Fish and Wildlife Service? It turns out the Department of Education uses their SWAT team to terrorize people who haven’t paid their school loans. “Who the hell is paying for this expense?” we wondered aloud. “What do they need one for?” Then it occurred to us that it was probably a box to check on some government form – SWAT team – YES or NO. Honestly, we’d have checked yes, too. All those times you’re too tired to stop at the store for milk after work because the line will be too long – just send in your SWAT team. We’re going to look over our business license application for that box and resubmit if necessary.

4. Georgie Porgie. That’s what we’re calling the new Prince of Cambridge. Ava doesn’t like the name his parents chose, but Amylynn thinks it sounds very king-like. It’s as good as any if they weren’t going to use our selection of Heathcliff. Of course, most of the people we mentioned this too thought we were talking about the cartoon cat and not the brooding, obsessive hero of Wuthering Heights. Some people you just can’t help. We sent a lovely present to the Duke and Duchess in the form of a pony. Every prince should have a pony.

5. RWA – National – We had such a great time at the convention. It’s so very lovely to find a mass of people who don’t think we’re completely insane. Between the gluten stuffed rolls at the table and the people recognizing Amylynn and the opportunity to go fangirl on some of our favorite writers…it’s was a fabulous time. We got to go to Margaret Mitchell’s house and lick the banister that Margaret used every single time she took  the stairs. We got to pretend that our cab driver was Rhett – that needed A LOT of imagination, but we’re very powerful in that department. One of these days we’ll tell you about Amylynn doppelganger at the convention and why we’re not allowed back in that Marriott.