Sept 6

This week has been a doozy. There has been way more bakery items consumed than should be necessary to maintain our happiness. Cookies, cake, brownies, ice cream – dear God. And we wonder why we’re never losing weight. We blame Bank of No Forks. That place would depress Richard Simmons. It’s either eat a plethora of dessert while we jigsaw puzzle or we’ll never stop crying. Nobody needs that. Nobody. Least of all the bakers in town who are counting on us to maintain their business. We did manage to giggle about these five things.

1. Unhappy fans. There has been a great deal of hullabaloo over the selection of Ben Affleck as Batman and Charlie Hunnam as Christian Grey in the 50 Shades of Grey movie. The Fan Boys/Girls lost their freaking minds over this. We just want to go on record and say we believe that Ben has the chin to pull off Batman, and we’re totally willing to suspend judgment until the movie comes out. The second selection actually made us squeal. We’ve paid as much attention to the casting of Christian Grey as the next red-blooded American women. We read the books and were not especially impressed but the names bandied about for the lead in the film version did give us pause. We are more than happy to pay our $37 admission fee to see the beautiful Charlie Hunnam run around with torn jeans and no shirt. You boys need a pep talk, come on over. We have cake and kind words.

2. Dilbert. We are 97% certain that Scott Adams works at Bank of No Forks. There is no possible way he can understand so succinctly the irony and insanity of what goes on over here if he doesn’t work here. Really. It’s uncanny. We read the morning comics and after getting to Dilbert we check under our desks for sneaky, eavesdropping cartoonists.

3. OTHER banks. For the sake of clarity and to dispel any rumors before they get started, we want it to be perfectly clear that we DO NOT work for Azizi Bank in Kabul, Afghanistan. Now that we’re all clear – a young female employee is missing from the bank. She worked there for three years in the money transfer division and then one day she just disappeared along with $1.1 million. Wisely, Bank of No Forks doesn’t let us anywhere near any of the money. We think that’s best, don’t you? Think of how many bakeries we could keep in business if we had that kind of access.

4. Fall Fashion Mags. We’re talking seriously serious magazines here. Vogue alone has 902 pages of “Fabulous Fall Fashions” and In Style has 716 and is the “biggest issue ever!”. We can only hope the mail man doesn’t have to deliver both of these on the same day. The poor fool could get a hernia since each one weighs eight or nine pounds. Imagine an entire subdivision of fashion minded moms. Gads.

5. Surprise rain. We love rain. Those of us in the desert are fascinated by water, boarding on obsessed. We love nothing more than a huge rain that comes out of nowhere. We were told by the professionals (smirk) on the local news that there would be no more rain. Not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe never. We lamented the heat and the dryness. We did some whining and – we’re sure you won’t believe this – but we also complained. Then lo! Out of the blue the sky opened up and rain poured down. There was thunder and lightning like all respectable storms must. The best part? The sky was blue during the entire episode. Really. The desert weather is very weird.