Dear Australian People,

We’d like you to meet Douglas. He’s a baby wombat. Now, surely, after watching this video, you understand why we need a wombat, right?

The people from Australia are not returning our calls. Do you think it’s possible they’ve already heard about us? We thought perhaps, since we’re writers, we’d try persuading them with a letter.

Dear Australian people,

We’re willing to go out into the desert and find you a lovely Gila monster. They’re much prettier than they sound. Or perhaps, you’d rather have a javelina. The baby ones are pretty cute. We’ll trade you for: 1 Wombat, 1 Quoka, 1 koala, and a joey. We promise to love them and pet them and feed them and adore them until we meet our demise, probably after being eaten alive by some adorable fuzzy thing we fell in love with and brought home even after being expressly forbidden to do so by our spouses.

Please let us know if these terms are amenable. We’re happy to come to your place and pick them up. We have several kitty carriers we think would be more than suitable for transportation. We plan to tell the airline they’re puppies. Delta Airlines owes us a solid.

Thank you for your consideration.

Amylynn and Ava
The Quill Sisters.