Looking at the bright side of an arrest record

Ava was off from work today. That left me and the receptionist (who has decided her pseudonym will be Gatekeeper for the purposes of this blog) to our own devices. Things went badly, but honestly, they probably would have been worse had she been with us.

We started out the day reading the newspaper as we usually do. There was an article about the ridiculously idiotic children of Mexican drug lords tweeting about their exorbitant lifestyles. There was a picture of a cheetah wearing a studded collar hanging out of a Range Rover like a dog. The

Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

owner of this animal also owns a tiger cub and a full grown lion. He was just arrested in our town when he was crossing the border. More on that later.

We went to the Chick-fil-A for lunch. We know what you’re thinking, but they’re very close to work and they have yummy milkshakes so don’t judge us.  We joined the queue and waited like civilized people. Just when we got to the front, a woman walked into the place, ignored all ten of the people in line, and marched to the front.

“Hey!” I said and looked at Gatekeeper.

“Excuse me,” she said to the cutter. I’d like it to be clear that she used a very polite voice at this point. “There’s a line here.” Gatekeeper indicated the beginning and ending of said line.

The woman turned her snotty blonde head, sneered at us, and said in the bitchiest possible manner, “Yeah, well, now there’s a line here, too.”

Gatekeeper and I looked at each other in disbelief. Who does that? Who? Was this the first time they’d let her out of her cage?

Right then, the Chick-fil-A gal raised her hand and called, “Next person in line.”

Gatekeeper and I actually ran to get there before Bitchy Woman. There was a great deal of posturing and snotty looks from her, but there were two of us, so we weren’t afraid. As we all waited for our food, we actually became quite amused by the whole thing. The woman was texting furiously – probably about the big Mexican girl and the short fat one what were harassing her. LIKE WE STARTED THIS!

I told Gatekeeper with some dismay, “Crap. I’m going to have to back you up, and I’m not really dressed for a brawl today.” I looked at my freshly painted toenails peeking out of my flip-flops. Was this the outfit I really wanted to be bailed out of jail in? Well, at least it’s comfortable while I wait for Ava to show up with money.

The one bright shining moment in all this was the thought that if we were arrested we might get a chance to meet the cheetah guy.