NEW RELEASES
Wait Till He Learns “Tit-sling”
My weekends are always very Bandit intensive and I am always grateful when bedtime rolls around. On Friday, My Honey had a gig at the ultimate dive bar and I failed to get a sitter so I stayed home with Sassy and The Bandit. We watched several episodes of F Troop – the old TV show. The Bandit thinks it is the funniest thing to grace the television since… ever. I disagree because, although some of you may not think so, my sense of humor is more sophisticated than Cpl. Argarn. And Gilligan, too. Come to think of it, what the hell was wrong with people in the 60’s? Never mind, don’t answer that. But seriously, talk about bad television.
I let the kids stay up later than usual and then we all piled into my bed to go to sleep. Because I’m a horrible mother and I should never be allowed to put children to bed, I turned on the TV in my room to some innocuous movie. We all cuddled in and almost instantly Sassy was gently snoring beside me. I began to fade out after a while, too. Something woke me up as the end credits started to roll. I looked over and Bandit was wide awake.
“That was a good movie, Mom,” he says.
Definitely my kid.
Then today, we had to make a run to Target. I think that if there is ever a weekend where we don’t have to go to Target or Costco, that those two stores will send someone around to our house to make sure that we’re alright. Sassy and her dad were in the shoe department so I took the cart and The Bandit over to the lingerie section to see if they had any underwear on sale. Does this seem like a good idea to any of the other mothers of four year old boys? Clearly, I didn’t think it through. The minute I pause the cart, Bandit is grabbing bras off the racks and yelling loudly.
“Mommy, is this a BOOBIE PROTECTOR? Feel how soft this BOOBIE PROTECTOR is. Do you like the color of this BOOBIE PROTECTOR? I think you would look really pretty in this BOOBIE PROTECTOR.”
I hear snickering all around me and I am studiously ignoring him, while at the same time, trying to get all the bras back on the racks. I’m quite sure my face was the color of the neon pink push up bra that he deemed his favorite.
And this is why I so desperately want Isabella to have a boy.
You luck, Amy, she’ll have a boy, but he’ll be a perfect little angel.
And, yes, “F Troop” was a totally inane show. There were a few good ones, like “Green Acres” and “The Addams Family,” but most were pretty silly. (Green Acres was silly, too, but often hysterical.) The thing that gets me about all those old shows, especially “Bewitched,” is how much everyone smoked and drank, and it was intended to be funny when they got too drunk. (Darrin’s boss, Larry Tate, was a real lush.)
Oh, my! However, being embarassed is not limited to four year old boys. Let the readers be reminded I am the mother of Amylynn, and I do recall her loudly exclaiming in a restaurant one Sunday morning after church, MY BOOBIES ARE COLD. That was quickly followed by, DADDY, I SAID MY BOOBIES ARE COLD. So, what goes around comes around. It is such a joy to me to read the blogs of my daughter ranting about the joys of motherhood.