January 3

10 . . . 9 . . . 8 . . . 7 . . . okay, you know the drill . . . Happy New Year!!!!!  There were fire works, there were bands playing, there were people over the house and all the Sisters wanted was to be left alone to ring in the New Year with as few people as possible.  Both were in their pajamas by 10!  We consider that a major triumph and here’s the other triumphs of the week:

1. Smith is nice. There is a woman in Honolulu who has been fighting with the Hawaiian Department of Transportation  to get her whole name on her driver’s license. What the hell is the problem? you ask. Put her stupid name on the card we say. Then you find out that her name is Keihanaikukuaukahihuliheekahaunaele. Swear to God. It’s 36 letters long. Her first name is Janice, because of course it is. We’re seriously proud of this woman. You know the guy down at the DMV looked at her like she was a crazy person and still she didn’t back down. Good for you Janice Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is. We’re proud of you. The Patron Saint of pain’s in the ass.

2. Exploding Duck. We want to make absolutely certain you understand that this was not a real duck. We do not support the exploding of real ducks. Ducks are super cute. They’re also yummy when crispy and covered in l’orange. This duck was 59 feet and sitting in a harbor in Taiwan. It was going to do the New Years Eve countdown. Or not. Instead it just exploded for no apparent purpose. The authorities are trying to blame eagles. They say they scratched it with their giant claws. So are jealous eagles going to be the scapegoat of 2014? Alright. We can roll with that.

3. Fireworks.  You think you know fireworks, right?  Well you don’t . . . not until you see the Dubai fireworks extravaganza of 2014 you don’t.  Dubai made a concerted effort to make the Guinness Book of World Records for the largest fireworks display. They did it from the tallest tower in the world. They set off 500,000 fireworks in 6 minutes. Wow, right? They beat the previous record in the first minute.  Time Square is going to have to rethink that whole tiny ball thing they’ve got going on for the past million years.

4. Red Lobster. We’d heard a very serious rumor that Red Lobster was closing. We didn’t like that news. No matter that we can’t remember the last time we were in a Red Lobster (it was Dec 5th – Ava), but the fact that we might never be able to go there again was very disconcerting. We love Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Who doesn’t? They are proof that, if there is a God, he loves us. A lot. In response, we scoured the internet and we think the first rumor was misinformation. Nevertheless, you should get to a Red Lobster right away and remind them that you love them.

5. Four wee bundles of joy. Our zoo had baby lions. Five of them actually, but one didn’t make it. Five cubs is a really rare litter. There is one girl and three boys growing and snoozing in a snuggly den just waiting for us to sneak in and cuddle them. What do you suppose the zoo would do if we called up and asked very nicely if we could come over and kiss their bellies?  They’d let us in right? We’re putting you down for references if they ask. Say something nice.