March 21

Ava has abandoned Amylynn for the exciting town of Phoenix for an even more exciting robotics contest. That means Amylynn is left to roam about alone. She had to go to the church (the Starbucks in the Barnes & Noble) by herlslf. She thought no one would pay her any attention without her Sister. The two of us always assume we’re only recognized in a pack. The Barista knew her though. “All alone today? No one to share a dessert with?” Sigh. Sadly no. It’s no fun to get fat alone. Fortunately for all involved, there were plenty of things to keep us amused this week PA (pre-abandonment). Ready, set, go.

She seems trustworthy

1. Call off the dogs. We have been following the search for the missing Malaysian airplane along with the rest of the world. We’re completely fascinated that they can track every single thing you do with your smart phone, read all your emails, know what you watch on television and what you shop for online, but they lost an entire freaking airplane. How is that possible? How? They understand that it’s a rather large metal THING, right? Anyway, you no longer have to worry. It’s been located and by no less than Courtney Love, people. Yes, apparently, Courtney has nothing better to do than search for that plane. You know honestly, this revelation goes right along with the theory that we were operating under and that is that it was sucked up by an alien. There’s no other reasonable explanation. Thank you, Courtney. You’re Nobel Prize is in the mail.

2.  Office supply stores. We love them. We like to touch all the sticky notes and marvel at all the pretty colors and shapes. We adore the pen aisle. We want to fondle all the day calendars and notebooks. We sit in the office chairs and ogle the white boards. We don’t know why this is such a thing with us, but we also know we’re not alone. There are many, many people with an over-fondness for office supplies–especially pens. We have a lot of pens. What we can’t understand is why the people who work in the office supply store can’t comprehend that we want to molest their wares unbothered by their constant demands to let them help us. Leave us alone to caress the merchandise and I guarantee you’ll make more money. Back off! Jeez.

3. Personalized license plates. Normally these things annoy the hell out of us. We think there needs to be certain creative requirements when granting personalized plates. There is really nothing stupider than a Mustang with the personalized plate: SueStng. We know what kind of car you drive, bozo. Putting your name on the plate only gives us more fulfilling phrases to swear at you as you drive too slowly in front of us. But then we saw this motorcycle and it’s driver. You can’t see it in the picture, but her plate says: I wont. It doesn’t say what she won’t, but based on the fact that she will do lace and leather we’re imaging that what she won’t do is very intriguing indeed. Capital job with the license plate, anonymous chick. Brava.

4. This cover. Isn’t it cute? Seriously. Isn’t it? We can’t wait for you all to read this book. We just love it, if we do say so ourselves. The lovely art department over at Carina Press did a great job of conveying the fun of this book. And did you notice the pink high heel hanging off the title? That plays very prominently in the story. It’s available for preorder at Amazon and Barnes and Noble and ibooks already and will be released June 2. OK – back to the cover. Let’s have a group **SQUEEE** on three, ready?

5. Jingle jingle. A guy in New Jersey is going to spend a lot of years on probation for stealing $460,000 from the Public Works Department. Pretty straight forward example of embezzlement, right? Not exactly. Thomas Rica stole it all in quarters–pockets full at a time. Seriously. They believe he stole over 1.8 million quarters over the course of 25 months. He deposited all of these quarters in his bank. 1.8 million of them. I don’t know about your bank branch, but ours gives us the hairy eyeball when we come in with one roll of pennies. We do love us a creative criminal. Hey, Mr. Rica – can you spare a dime? Blahahahaahhaha