May 2

We accomplished some serious personal milestones this week at the office.  To start, not a single one of us took a nap, we didn’t even rest our eyes.  Additionally, we only had dessert twice between Monday and Friday – generally, dessert doesn’t happen any less than three times a week.  Lastly, we started the Game of Thrones, the finest HBO series ever made.  Here’s some other personal bests that didn’t involve us.

Why did they even let him in?

1. Perhaps he should behave himself. The American drummer from The Scorpions was in Dubai acting like a jackass. He’s been convicted of offensive behavior and will have to spend one month in jail over it. Apparently, he was insulting Islam, raising his middle finger, and being a drunken jerk. He was arrested and was a no-show at the next gig in Bahrain. What happens when the drummer just doesn’t show up? Does the drum tech go on? We’re going to have to ask Amylynn’s Honey – he’s a musician and he knows this stuff. In the meanwhile, if you’re an American drummer, just don’t go around flipping people off and you’ll stay out of trouble. Hopefully.

2. Flying teeth. A guy in Madrid held up traffic on the busiest highway because he stopped to find his false teeth when they flew out of his mouth when he sneezed while riding his motorcycle. Can you imagine everyone being stopped on I-10 in the middle of LA because some guy sneezed out his teeth? It’s insane. The best part of the story is that the police made him get back on his bike and get moving. There’s no word on whether he found them or not. How funny if you stop to change a flat and find some teeth lying around. BAH!

3. A new marketing ploy. The Red Cross calls Ava almost daily to get her to come down and give her O positive blood. The vampires are relentless. She’s done it in the past and they firmly believe there’s more where that came from.  The Thai Red Cross had Storm Troopers in giving blood. We love this.  Once we saw this, Ava decided that if they promised

We refuse to believe we’re related to this bit of yumminess. NOPE

her a Storm Trooper costume she’d be happy to show up down there. Red Cross, are you listening?  She also likes Darth Vader.  A lot.

4. We’re related.  It turns out that all of us are relatives.  It only takes about 64 generations past before sheer human numbers cause you to have to accept this fact.  Why do we bring this up you wonder?  We bring this up because it’s always easier to get a “loan” from cousins than the bank.  Unless the banker is a human and then – BINGO – he’s a cousin too!  Now, about that money . . .

5. Being cheated. Ava, once again, has been given a loaner Cadillac while her almost five-year-old Caddy is in for repairs. This time she’s feeling very cheated because they only gave her the $80,000 car instead of the $85,000 one they gave her last time. It would be fine except that they dealer told her with regret that this one doesn’t have parallel parking assist like the last loner did. WHAT? We didn’t know that the last car had this feature or we’d have spent at least one whole day in the parking lot at Bank of No Forks playing with that. Honest to God, it pisses us off because we are desperate for things to do there and that would have been awesome!