Dynamic Resumes for Career Advancement

You all know we fear being laid off from the Bank of No Forks any time now since we now have almost nothing to do (if you’re a person who likes the truth, you can take the word “almost” out).  Over the last weeks we keep receiving emails about personal growth – seriously.  They have titles like “Career Planning” and “How to Write a Resume”.  Generally, we ignore this type of communication because we want to keep pretending all is well – you know how we like our fiction . . .

Coincidentally, the president of Target resigned this week.  While we feel sorry for him and hope he got some career planning and resume writing in before he left, what we really want to know is where do we apply for his job?  If anyone can run Target, it’s the Quill Sisters.  We know where everything is, we have ideas for quality (For god sake, sew the seams straight on the designer capsule collections!), and leave the customers alone until they ASK for help.

We brushed up our resumes and sent the following cover letter:

Dear Target People,

We have attached our resumes for the now vacant president position.  Feel free to pay them no mind because our real qualifications include the fact that you will get two of us for the price of one (we truly don’t mind splitting the salary and bonus), we know nothing about technology and can’t be blamed by the media for any further security breaches, and we look great in “Target Red”.

If we don’t hear from you by Friday, we’ll just assume we have the job and will be in early on Monday, around 10ish.

Thank you –

The Target Sisters