May 9

This week went by pretty quickly. It was touch and go there for a while. We didn’t hold out a lot of hope when we woke up on Tuesday and thought it was Friday. But things have worked out – to the surprise of us all. Amylynn finished the first draft of her next book, Finish What We Started, with Carina Press. It’s a damn fine thing to be done with it since it’s due on 5/14. Moods have improved. Celebratory cake has been eaten.  It comes out in December. Don’t be concerned. You’ll be notified again. So here’s some funny stuff we noticed this week.

1. National Bike to Work Day. That happened this week. Did you bike to work? Would you believe us if we told you that we did? Boy, are you gullible. We disapprove of biking, possibly because we’re not very good at it. It’s a challenge to stay up on two skinny wheels. And then when you get off after a day of being forced to bicycle with your crazy family, your tushie always hurts. And it makes you sweaty. Work is bad enough without being forced to do it with a sore and sweaty tushie. If it helps, we might consider carpooling, instead of bike riding, if we can stop off at the bakery on the way.

2. John Oliver. Oh how we enjoyed John Oliver’s tenure helming The Daily Show when Jon Stewart was away last summer. Oliver’s new show is on HBO, Last Week Tonight, and it’s a delight, we’ll tell you. Best line so far? This from Kellogg, the people who make candy you put in milk. HA! Also, he promises that if you hang with him through complicated and touchy subjects, then we can all watch a hamster eat a tiny burrito together. Go watch it, it’s really true.  A tiny hamster, eating, we swear.  It’s totally worth it. Smart men are so attractive.

3. Speaking of attractive. The State of Arizona has respectfully requested that The Daily Show stop making fun of us. “We’ve been the laughingstock to some parts of the nation in ways that are not really fair.” The Sisters would also like everyone to stop making fun of Arizona, but sadly we keep doing really stupid stuff here. Jackassedry reigns supreme.

4. We weren’t in Brazil.  The police in Sao Paulo found a lion that was stolen from an animal shelter. They found him at a breeding farm. Okay, wait. First of all, it seems the Brazilians keep lions in animal shelters. Can you just walk in there an adopt one? Really? Also, what is this farm business? Are they trying to tell us that they breed them on farms like cows or chickens? You can say all you like about the US being the land of milk and honey and such, but we don’t see any lion farms around here. Don’t worry. We’re on it. Apparently, all we need to do is sneak over there and steal a boy lion and a girl lion and–VOILA–we have a farm. Keep an eye on The Daily Show. We suspect we’re going to be in the news yet again.  Sorry Arizona.

5. All Carl’s need apply.  Today we went to a store and “Carl” worked there.  After seeing him, we decided all businesses need to employ a “Carl”.  We can’t wait.  “Carl,” we’ll say, “go buy donuts.”  He’ll also be in charge of refusing the FBI entrance into our office fortress.  He will address all of us as “Your Grace”.  See?  Now you want a Carl, too.