May 23

The Sisters are working their fingers to the bone. The bone! We’re weary. It’s possible we might be a little insane and this is self-imposed stress. Here’s the deal. All three of the Sisters are going to be at the Arizona Dreamin’ event next weekend (There’s still tickets available to the weekend long event! Contact us!). There will be speed dating an author, a cocktail party with auction items (two of which we’re providing), we’re hosting a table at the banquet, and I will be holding four reader salons. That’s a LOT of stuff we have to come up with. Gift baskets and give aways galore. We might have insane, unreachable standards. It’s possible we’re a little bit crazy. It doesn’t matter. We’ll get it all done. There’s funny stuff that kept us going this week.

1. Stinky jeans. For years they’ve been telling us that we don’t need to wash denim. As in never. They want us to spot clean them with a toothbrush. Ewwwwwwww! Tommy Hilfiger says never to put them in a washing machine. Clearly, Tommy doesn’t have a husband that works construction. If we didn’t wash our husband’s jeans we’d have to move out of our houses, the stink would be so bad. And perhaps Anderson Cooper, who also never washes his jeans, doesn’t have a little boy in his life who attracts dirt like it’s oxygen. Whatever. We’re washing our jeans.  You should too.

2. Sadly this only gives us ideas. A 39-year-old Czech man was arrested in Sydney airport trying to smuggle 16 wild bird eggs out of the country in his underpants. We don’t know what kind of birds these eggs would have eventually become, but apparently they’re worth enough money to risk smuggling. This gives us pause. We only need to smuggle one panda at a time. If we get big pants… (ummmmm, actually, we might have that already covered). We’re going to start practicing walking with a waddle. We suspect that’s how that guy in Australia got caught. Bad waddle.

3. We’d get divorced for a hell of a lot less. A Russian couple are getting divorced in Switzerland. The judge has ordered the husband to pay the wife 4,020,555,987.80 in Swiss francs. That’s $4,509,375,194.80 American. 4.5 BILLION dollars. Plus property worth 146 million and a bunch of other stuff. When we divorce our husbands (probably over stupid comments like ‘It’s only cake’ or ‘Are you going to sit there all day and read?’) we’re hoping to get 3 nickels, custody of the cats, and the Keurig.

4. A hunting we will go. A large corporation has been trying to put a copper mine in our area for a long time but there is a LOT of opposition from environmental people and such. We bring this up because negotiations have come to a screeching halt again over an ocelot. Everyone should just stop worrying because the Sisters have figured out how to solve everything. We’re gonna hop right in the car with our kitty carrier and pick that little ocelot up and let him come live with us. We’ve named him Alfred. Now everyone can be happy. We’ll have a kitty. The environmental people can know he’s safe. And the copper people can copper on! We’re geniuses.

5. Oooooh! We found a new bauble. This one is from the new Cher Dior Collection. Of all the gorgeous pieces of breathlessness inducing jewelry, this is our favorite. We both wear a size 6. When we remarry for 4.5 billion dollars, we’ll expect these from our trophy husbands – who will be very old, very wealthy, and very deaf.