May 30

All three of the Sisters are going out of town together. Alert the authorities. We’re not going to tell you what vehicle we’ll be driving. All of you on the internet and the FBI can just wonder about that. The good news is that we’ll be together so the destruction will be contained. The bad news is that we’ll be together to egg each other on. Probably the people at the Embassy Suites should prepare themselves. We’ll have requirements while we’re there. Not your garden variety requirements either. We’re going to need our own concierge, a maid or two, and the undivided attention of the hotel manager. Just our usual. So long as no one rolls they’re eyes at us, everyone should live through it. We’ve spent the week preparing for this major event (we’ll tell more next week) and these were the comedic events of their preparations.

1. Sulfur stinks. Amylynn decided that at one of her sponsored events this week, she’d serve tea. That meant her grandmother’s tea service needed to be polished. Why not do it at Bank of No Forks? It’d be great. We could sit in front of the television and polish away. She could make the World’s Greatest Receptionist help. What could go wrong? The smell of Tarn-X, that’s what. Wow. No one remembers that stuff smelling like Hell farted. Also, just in case you insist on trying this at your own office, don’t light a candle to get rid of the odor. Then you have to deal with the smell of sulfur and paradise flower candle and, that my friends, does not go together.

2. Bad basket juju. Amylynn doesn’t want to tell this story because it makes her look bad. Ava says that it makes her look way worse. Here’s the story. You judge. Ava said she’d set aside her perfectionism and allow Amylynn to assemble her own gift basket. Amy scoffed saying that there was no way in stinky sulfur Hell Ava would allow that to happen and she refused to do it.  Mean words were spoken. Later in the day, Amylynn said, “screw it” and put together the basket. When she left to pick up lunch she literally forbid Ava from touching the finished basket. How well do you think that went? Yup. Hangry words were spoken. Eventually, everyone calmed down and ate lunch and the basket is now beautiful. (Ava here – For the record, I did not redo the basket until Amy said I could.)

3. The table decoration Olympics. Also, a centerpiece had to be created for the table Amylynn is hosting for dinner. More craziness ensued. We found the most beautiful flowers. The trouble started when the parts needed to be assembled. There needed to be colored rocks for the vase. Blue ones. No, not those blue ones. Not those blue ones either. Or those. Eventually we settled on blue-ish and clear ones. Then we needed tall sticks. But not those cause they’re too expensive. Those are too short. Those are ugly. We bullied the manager at the Cost Plus to give us some old ones for A DOLLAR! Our centerpiece is gorgeous and the flowers are exactly 2/3 the height of the sticks. We’re totally sane.

4. Cake pops. Are adorable. ADORABLE in their imperfections. We made those at work, too. That’s not true. WE didn’t make anything, Ava wouldn’t let anyone help. What actually happened is that we all stood around watching her make cake pops and eating the mistakes. Then she frosted them, but we couldn’t help with that either. Nor could we help decorate. Needless to say, they are adorable and it’s all her doing.

5. Sneaky co-workers. So we put all the girls to work this week, glueing sparkles onto flowers, measuring sticks, and tying bows, and polishing silver. Except one. Missy popped out of her office to nibble cake and make compliments, but otherwise made herself scarce. The implication was that she wasn’t crafty. We left her alone. Turns out she’s totally crafty, as in arty, and crafty, as in sly. Sneaky, sneaky girl got out of all the work.