We see and Ocean’s 11 style prison break in our future

Just when you thought we were kidding about all this nonsense with fuzzy animal napping, I bring you more craziness.

The biggest flaw in these plans of ours is that we keep telling you about them. That’s why the FBI is eventually going to haul us away. As it is, there are suspicious black sedans lurking in the Bank of No Forks parking lot and we suspect they’re there for us and not representatives of the Banking Commission. They’re probably closing in on us right now.

Look – they even have a panda on this plane!

Anyway…

A Russian fellow named Roman Valerevich Seleznev was just arrested for hacking into the Phoenix zoo. “What the hell was he trying to do in there?” you ask. Well, nothing good, we assure you. Actually he’s a well known hacker and he was stealing credit card information. We heartily disapprove of that, we assure you, but the hacker part might come in handy.

It occurred to me today as I was reading this article in the daily Picayune, that we might be able to use his skills in other ways.

What if we had him hack into the Phoenix Zoo–or really ANY zoo that has an animal we want, say Denver (clouded leopards), National Zoo (pandas! and fishing cats)–and set them up to FedEx us the baby in question. FedEx is well known as the shipper of choice for zoos and such so we doubt they’d even blink an eye with a new request. They’re just happy to ship away. They have free boxes and everything.

We’d have them send it to the Quill Sisters business address at the UPS store. We’ll let Jason there know to keep and eye out for a box that wiggles. We’re certain he’d babysit for an hour or so until we can get over there. Jason’s a great guy.

We’re preordering the Fuzzy Baby Chow from Amazon.