September 5

We watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s today at Bank of No Forks. The Sisters adore that movie. Holly Golightly was so charming. And lovely. In fact, we need several of her dresses, hats, and especially that pearl necklace she’s wearing in the opening sequence. Also, we appreciate the fact that she always collected $50 from her dates to take with her to the powder room. That’s genius and we wish we’d thought of it back when we were single and dating. If you haven’t seen that movie in a while, you should revisit it. You’ll be happily humming (or singing if your Amylynn) the

Kenneth Lacovara with the right tibia of dreadnoughtus schrani Kenneth Lacovara Photograph: Kenneth Lacovara

lyrics to Moon River all day because that song is beautiful. And Holly has a cat named Cat who looks like Jojo Kitty. Fabulous. Here are some other charming things this week.

1. Things that are fatter than us. Researchers have been in the news lately because of a new dinosaur skeleton. It’s called Dreadnoughtus Schrani – meaning “fearing nothing”. Awesome name, right? It’s the biggest animal they’ve ever found where they can actually determine it’s weight. They’re saying 60 tons. That’s 120,000 pounds. We did the math for you so you wouldn’t have to. That’s how we are. All about the math. We’ll also share a dessert with you, cause we’re super nice that way. Back to the dinosaur and it’s massiveness. It was bigger than a 747 jumbo jet. Seriously. We would not be willing to share a dessert with this guy, cause we suspect he’d be a hog. Also, the poop. We don’t mean to be gauche, but when you talk about an animal bigger than a passenger jet, you need to be concerned about the poop. It would be the size of a freakin’ condo. Just sayin’.

2. Joan Rivers. This lady was funny. Often you cringed at her zingers, but you also had to admit they were funny and you were probably thinking them yourself but were too polite to say it out loud (Yes, there are things we’re too polite to say out loud so just stop it right now). Like this one: “I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing” about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s kid. OK that’s an awful thing to say, and totally hysterical. We don’t know how the red carpet will ever be the same without her or Fashion Police, that can’t go on without her.

3. Lunch with friends. We love to meet with friends and gab and gab and gab. We met with a writer friend of ours today, Pumpkin, who we just never see enough of, and had a jolly good time. We didn’t even drive the waitress too crazy –probably because our attention was focused on Pumpkin and not on torturing the help. We debated ordering dessert to share and ultimately decided it was the way to go since otherwise we’d just get back to the office and regret it. So pecan blondies for everyone. Just let us know if you want to meet for lunch. We know where all the best places are.

4. Abso-freaking-lutely ridiculous titles. The Bank of No Forks is famous for its corporate-speak. It’s all gobbledygook and bullshit designed to make you feel connected. Mostly it makes us feel annoyed. Our boss’s boss’s boss just recently moved to a different department and got himself a whole new job title. The acronym is MRA (we’re also super big on acronyms). What is an MRA? you ask. That’s what we wanted to know. We’d seen it before and never figured it out. It means–we shit you not–Matters Requiring Attention. Yes, that’s a real job title for a real person. We can’t make up crap this stupid. It takes a corporation to do it.  We’re ordering business cards.

5. 16 Year Old Driving Boys. The boy who lives at Ava’s house is still (STILL) learning how to drive.  All of you know Ava hates to drive.  Hates it.  She’s not good at it and pays no attention whatsoever while doing it.  It’s really just best if she doesn’t do it at all.  Generally, she’ll let anyone drive her around, anyone.  Even strangers.  But even she has to give pause every morning when she has to decide if she’s going to let the boy drive to school.  It’s not that he’s unsafe or especially bad at it, but he’s not good at it.  Amy taught him how to parallel park so there’s that in the plus column.  Ava can’t parallel park so ultimately she just let’s him drive and hopes for the best.  So, if you’re in the desert and you see a car driving backwards, repeatedly parallel parking down the street – save yourself and stay out-of-the-way.