May 8

Mother’s Day is this weekend. We’re mothers. Just sayin’. We’ve pointed this out to our children. “Hey,” we said. “It’s Mother’s Day this weekend.” They didn’t reply. Pawn Stars is super fascinating. “You know what?” we gamely plodded along. When they didn’t guess, we filled the non-rhetorical silence. “I’m a mother.” They still didn’t answer, but we know we got to them. Those kids will remember if they know what’s good for ’em. We know who pays the cable bill. What did you do for your mom? Flowers? A card? Nothing? For shame! You know she was in labor for 47 hours during a heat wave when there was no electricity for you. She didn’t sleep for twelve years after you were born. She signed your permission slips and got your splinters out. Go get her a card. Jeez. Or BETTER YET – pick up a nice copy of Miss Sinclair’s Secret! There’s a raccoon! All mothers love raccoons. Statistical fact. We’re all about the science here. We’re also about the funny. Here’s some we didn’t have anything to do with.

1. The “I Quit” cake. This was genius. A guy in our city quit his job as the channel 13 newscast director by having it written in frosting on a cake. Brilliant. He wasn’t quitting out of anger or anything. He was just offered a better job, but he felt bad, and he wanted to soften the blow. “No one can be mad or sad at cake.” He’s totally right. Except when your Sister won’t let you eat any. That’s a recipe for angry sadness right there. Still, it’s a lovely way to quit your job when you’re not so angry that you fling your resignation letter at your boss as you jump out the window, cackling with glee. We hope someone we love quits soon and takes this hint. There was no mention of the flavor of the cake, but we’d recommend marble. Everyone loves marble.

2. Lunch. We’ve mentioned before specific foods and places where we love to eat. We’ve also mentioned favorite companions with whom to eat it. Today we’d like to extoll the virtues of the whole damn thing. Ava wrote a nice haiku. Happiness – Lunch time! But sadly, salad. So sad. No burger for you. Ava writes a heck of a haiku, don’t you think? If you’re looking for the Sisters around lunch time we generally go at 1pm unless we’re gnawing on our own legs by 10am. The important thing about lunch is being flexible. Unless you’re Ava. Then it doesn’t matter when you go, you’re still eating at Chipotle.

3. The Avengers. As you know, Amylynn went to see the movie last weekend. We love us some Avengers. We can’t decide who the best looking one is, so we devote considerable time debating it. Ava isn’t a fan of Thor. The rest of the world knows she’s wrong about that, but that just leaves more Thor for the rest of us. We both adore Ironman. There isn’t a damn thing wrong with Captain America, either. There’s a lot to be said about the rawness of Bruce Banner. Surprisingly we both have a thing for Hawkeye. If we were likely to develop girl crushes Black Widow is a prime candidate. At the risk of giving our husbands complexes, we’ll just have to watch the movies about a hundred more times. In the name of research. Remember, we’re all about the science.

4.This diet isn’t totally ruining our lives. The Sisters were dragged forcibly to a gluten free restaurant this week. We intellectually know that gluten is bad for us as a species, but ohmygod it’s so yummy. We grudgingly admitted that the place was cute. Another plus was that the waitress’s name was Amy. Clearly she’s an intelligent and witty soul, and by association, the place must be alright. The menu was pretty extensive, way more than we expected. We did our normal routine and ordered two entrees to split and share. A grilled cheese with avocado and bacon. The other a grass-fed hambuger. All you haters be quiet. We decided these were alright diet foods because they were chemical free. AND remember, there was no gluten in our bread. The grilled cheese was just ok, but the hamburger was GLORIOUS. The gluten free bun was a fluffy piece of heaven sent happiness. We’ve been raving about it to everyone. Honest to Zeus, who would have known we’d find such happiness in the absence of gluten?

4. Eyelashes. Our friend Miss Claudia got eyelashes. Look at how fabulous these are! Actually, they deserve two exclamation points. !!. They are permanent extensions that she had done at a salon here in town. We want some. We want them now. Sadly, they cost a bit of money and we’re going to have to figure out how that is going to happen. You know what might work out for everyone? If the extension people want to give them to us for free, we’ll tell our massive internet reading audience how wonderful they are. We’re totally willing to accept eyelash endorsements. We’ll even wear a shirt that says, ASK ME ABOUT MY EYELASHES. We wouldn’t have to though. In real life you can’t help but notice how gorgeous they are. We’re only concerned that Claudia is going to fly away in a stiff breeze.