May 29th

We’re at the fabulous readers event in Phoenix and this is what we have to say about that. It’s effing hot here. For real. This is why we’re stupid. Every year we’re surprised when summer comes. You’d think we’d be expecting it, but no. After all, we live in the desert. So now we’re running around trying to accomplish stuff and we’re moist. It’s hard to wrap your head around the fact that it’s this hot and there’s no actual fire. While we look for someone to turn

This is not Amy. This is Ronald Reagan.

the air conditioning down to 65 degrees, you look at this:

The magic happened!

1. Amylynn Bright, Teacher – Amy has come long way in her public speaking skills since she started writing. Writers are always being asked to speak which is odd since we spend a lot of time alone with imaginary people. The class Amy taught was about writing a series because she’s written two of them. All went well except for her not introducing herself and constantly putting her hands in her hair.

2. Watching Ava wrestle a coffee maker. We’re intelligent people. Disregard all judgments you made above when we told you we were stupid. We write books so we know we can form a sentence. However, all bets are off when you’re in a strange hotel room and you want coffee. There is some sort of machine in our room that purports to make coffee but we’ve read all the instructions (which are pictures) and nothing. We stood together and chanted at it. Nada. We don’t need coffee badly enough to dance naked or anything, but if you happen to be in the Phoenix area at the Embassy Suites and have the good fortune to figure out the coffee maker, come by our room. We could use some instruction.

3. Room service. While the rest of the hotel is off partying, the Sisters are safely in their room, clad in jammies, some of us are swaddled in blankets, and we’re eating room service. We’re eating dessert that would go excellently with some nice decaf coffee – see #2. Along with the wee chocolate Bundt cake, we ordered a hot cookie. We conned them into doing 1/2 chocolate chip and 1/2 peanut butter. We are a pain in the ass every where we go. Also we requested 10 wee half and half containers in case we figured out the coffee maker. They would only bring us 4. We don’t know if that’s because we annoyed them over the cookie or not.

4. Amylynn Bright, Author Speedmeet. Sometimes things are funny when they’re not supposed to be. Exhibit One: Amylynn Bright doing the speedmeet. Each author has 2 minutes to introduce themselves to readers at 12 tables. Just picture it – Amylynn manically waiving her arms while handing out tiny Violet stickpins and talking about her books while being expected to hustle around a crowded room every 2 minutes. Ava was certain a trip to the emergency room would become necessary and started to ask around to see who would take her there because Ava’s not going anywhere near an emergency room. As luck would have it, Amylynn survived in one piece if a bit tired. Don’t miss this spectacle next year, trust us about this.

5. Brian Kohatsu. He was a comedienne who regaled us at the dinner. He was very funny. We legitimately laughed. He had a couple of jokes we’d love to tell you but the set up is too complicated and we’re too tired to type them out. There was a good one about kids doing show and tell, and another about taking kids camping and then he read us a short “bromanace” that was really great satire. If you get the chance to see him, do. He was great.