September 4

Here we are on the cusp of a long weekend. What are your plans? We plan to do lots and lots of stuff as it involves watching television or movies, reading, writing Chapter Seven, getting our toes done, shopping for make up, and probably pestering the cats. It’s going to be glorious. We’re turning off our work phones and for the next three days are willing to pretend that we are unemployed. Wanna know why? Because it’s Labor Day weekend and we shall not labor. No siree. Unless it comes to laundry. Damn laundry never stops. It’s relentless. Like the march of the tide or  something. That’s too depressing to contemplate. Let’s read funny stuff? Ready? Grab a cookie, here we go.

1. Chris the sheep. You may have seen Chris the Sheep on the internet. He’s a bit of a celebrity. He is a Merino sheep who ran away from home and has lived in the wild for the last six or seven years like a rebel. All this time he’s not been sheared. There were stories of a phantom sheep in the hills and it turns out it was real. He is one monster of a sheep with–it turns out–90+ pounds of wool covering his body. He’s hysterical looking. All you can see is a nose and four tiny hooves under all that filthy wool. We totally understand. Amylynn is damn near desperate to get her hair done and the hairdresser is all booked up until OCTOBER. Pretty soon she’ll look like Chris, only with gray roots.

2. Speaking of hair. Here’s another person who’s been on the internet a lot of late. No matter what side you’re on in this debate – we certainly hope it’s the correct one – you will have to agree that this meme is hysterical. We make a point of not discussing politics on this blog and sometimes that’s REALLY, REALLY HARD, but this is just too funny to pass up. She’s probably having an even harder time getting an appointment than either Chris or I have had.

3. Gobi Jerboa. We are constantly finding new animals we didn’t know existed but are now desperate to own. We present to you the Jerboa – specifically the one with the huge ears. He looks exactly like Despereaux, don’t you think? These adorable little dudes can be found in the Gobi desert which is in Asia. They have super long legs which enable them to hop like wee kangaroos. And dear sweet heavens, look at those ears. Precious. We must have two. We’ve named them Millicent and Quentin.

4. Tom Hardy with his dog! Hardly a day goes by that we don’t get a Tom Hardy fix. His movie Legend comes out this weekend so he brought his dog Woody to the premier because apparently he likes it when women’s ovaries cramp up. It didn’t even matter that Tom’s pregnant wife was there. They probably thought she would be some sort of leveler, like if all us girls saw his wife round with child we would calm ourselves down, but the dog completely superseded that plan. The best part was his dog totally misbehaved by chasing pigeons around on the red carpet. That’s exactly the embarrassing thing our dogs would do.

No Judgment unless you’re a 15 year old girl with your mother

Amylynn noted how great Tom looked in this particular color blue. Ava pointed out that it didn’t matter what color suit it was, Tom was in it. And then DOG.

5. Planet Fitness. That’s the gym Ava belongs to so she can exercise inside where all exercising should be done.  They charge only $19.99 a month so you can go over there to sweat instead of doing it in your garage at home. It’s also open 24 hours a day in case you’re crazy and want to exercise in the middle of the night. It’s a “no judgment zone” which means no one is supposed to make fun of Ava while she cries on the ab machine. However,

Look at that – Jared with TWO dogs. That beats Tom with a dog and a wife.

the girl who lives at her house (who made her join the place to begin with) laughs at her all the time. Ava is going to report her to the staff and have her tiny size 2 body removed from the place so she can cry in peace along with the other non-size 2 people there.

5.5 Jared Leto without his dog. No, Jared didn’t do anything this week to make the list, but it just seems fair to Ava that he be included since Tom is.  Tom is a show off – showing up with his dog, making movies with dogs, savings dogs. Is this guy a fake or what? The only satisfaction to be had from Jared this week is that he isn’t showing up any where with a pregnant wife!