October 16

No matter what you think you know, Ava will assure you she is not sick. What she has is allergies. “Allergies!” she’ll yell at you. You won’t be convinced because while she’s yelling at you her nose is running and her voice is raspy with congestion. Then she’ll immediately commence coughing. Sure, she’s not sick. ***Eyeroll*** Amylynn’s been trying to get sick so she can stay home from work, but it’s not working out. She’s drank from Ava’s cup, used her straw, nibbled off of her cupcake. No luck. Fit as a fiddle, unless you count a bad attitude. That’s flourishing without the help of bacteria. Anyway, everything is pretty much the same as usual with the Sisters – denial and bad attitudes. Check and check. Here’s some of the funny things we found this week.

1. We’ll keep this in mind. A man was bow hunting in Montana when things went horribly awry. Don’t worry; he’s recovering nicely. Recovering from what? A bear mauling. Guess how he saved himself. No playing dead for Chase Dellwo (whose name doesn’t have enough letters). Nope, when faced with a 350 – 400 pound male grizzly who promptly knocked him off his feet and bit his head, Chase thought of his grandmother. Grandma had given him an article a long time ago that stated large animals have a bad gag reflex. So, while the bear was biting his leg and tossing him in the air, Chase decided to give the theory a try. He then shoved his arm down the bear’s throat. Seems counter productive, but it

Suitcase with money, buried in ground, elevated view

worked. Chase now has stitches and staples in his head. It seems like this is something that could someday happen to the Sisters. Amylynn votes that Ava prepare her arm the next time we head into the woods. Hahaahahahaha. We never go into the woods.

2. Some people deserve to get caught. Let us ask you a quick question. If you and a cohort were able to rob a bank – let’s say it was an inside job and you worked for the armored truck company – do you think you’d be so pedestrian and uncreative as to bury the loot in your yard? Really? Two idiots and one wife (who clearly didn’t think things through when she got involved with these bozos) robbed the armored car they drove of 1 million dollars from Bank of America. The FBI found $600,000 in 100s and 20s in a plastic bin, wrapped in plastic and duct tape, buried in their yard. We are 100% certain if the Sisters ever attempt something like this we’d find somewhere WAY better to hide it than in the stupid yard. We’re not telling you WHERE we’d hide it, but its way, way better.

3. A real role model. A lady in Indianapolis discovered a home intruder. Did she shriek and cry? Maybe, but she also kicked his ass. Karen Dolley is a 43-year-old woman who we imagine surprised the crap out of the intruder when she threw punches at him until he was cornered and then she “subdued” him with a Japanese sword she keeps near her bed. She learned how to fight when she participated in events with the Society of Creative Anachronism (renaissance fairs and such). Also, mentioned in the story as a bit of a side note, she skates with a roller derby team. We suggest that the criminal community post Ms. Dolley’s address on their bulletin board and steer clear. Rock on, Karen!

4. Wait for it. A couple of years ago we talked about the four lion cubs who were born in our zoo. It was super exciting. We’re very sad to report one of the lions died this week from Valley Fever. It’s a dreadful disease and losing the baby is horrible. OK, you say, when does this get funny? For god’s sake we don’t read this blog for depressing dead lion stories. Jeez. We present you this picture. This is all four of the siblings. We’d like you to note the lion on the far right sitting on his sister. Or brother. We don’t know. We don’t know which one of these is Bakko, but we hope it’s not that goofy one. This is such a great show of how siblings treat each other – whether human or feline. There’s always one of them sitting on someone else.

5. HOCKEY SEASON!! It has begun! Amylynn’s team is doing awesome! There is happiness and joy! YAY!!!!! Also, there is nothing funnier than hockey announcers. They’re almost 1/2 the fun. Just the other day one of them said, “He’s firing muffins at the net.” BAHahahahahaahaha. That’s good stuff.