December 11

The Sisters are still reeling from the hedgehog news from yesterday. Turns out all the hedgies due in at our local store have already been pre-sold. NOOOOOOOO! I guess this lets the Bright family off the hook, but just barely. Apparently, now that it’s legal, breeding is to commence immediately. That’s perfect, because we want a very wee hedgehog to love. Some people who have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about keep trying to tell us that hedgehogs are prickly. Obviously, they have no idea how to make an animal love you. We’re experts at it, and we’re simply dying to prove it to the world starting with a hedgie and graduating quickly to a red panda and then, at some point, conducting a masters class by enticing a lion cub to cuddle with us on demand. Our dreams were bolstered by the hedgie legalization. The stars are aligning. This is all going to work out. Or we’re going to die. Either way, we’ll be so happy! We’re all exclamation-pointy and giddy. Here’s more stuff to distract you with while we struggle to contain ourselves.

1. Fashion Santa. That’s what they’re calling him. He’s a Toronto model named Paul Mason, and he’ll be in the mall in the Yorkdale Mall for the holiday. You can take and post selfies with him for charity. All the funds go to a Canadian charity, Hospital for Sick Children. The internet has lost its mind. Half of the people are appalled and are screaming that this is ruining Christmas because apparently half of the internet doesn’t have enough stuff to keep themselves busy and feel the need to freak out about absolutely nothing. The other half can barely keep their pants on; this Santa is so pretty. The Sister’s love Santa and possibly love Paul Mason. We’ll bet underneath all that Santa hair that man is epic considering those cheek bones. We’re just saying we’ve always hated that song I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus because it’s stupid, but this fellow has made us pause.

2. Chickens. The good news just keeps coming! In addition to this hedgehog revolution, the city council has also decided that we can have chicken coops in the city!! The fact that we’re even remotely interested in having chickens befuddles us as much as our families, but we do. We don’t want just any stupid chickens. We want ourselves some cool and cute designer chickens. Have you seen the frizzle chickens? How about those gorgeous black ones? We’re humming the Farmer in the Dell while we’re hunting down chicken coop supplies on Amazon. Now we figure we just need to figure out what the hell a dell is and we’re all set.

3. Oh, Tarzan! This movie did not need to be made. We’re putting that out there right in front. It doesn’t matter though, because we’re going to see it immediately after it comes out. Look who they cast as the lead – Eric from True Blood. He was delicious as a vampire and we expect no less as the Lord of the Apes. We do like the twist this plot has taken with the story, and the trailer is epic. Oh, and do you see his abs? Pause for a moment and think how many carbs Mr. Skarsgard had to eschew to get those ridges. We’re betting he hasn’t had a cookie in six years. We’re not willing to give up cookies – not even for Tarzan. We tried once. Worst twenty minutes of our lives. We are however completely willing to eat cookies while watching this movie. We’d even share if Mr. Skarsgard wants one.

4. One ring to rule them all. Ava’s birthday was characterized by jewelry this year. She got the sea shell ring she wanted from Amylynn, but what she really, really wanted was this one. It looks like something stolen directly from Maleficent’s jewelry box. It’s gorgeous and stunning and she loves it. Part of the appeal is probably that

Oh PUPPY!!

it’s also very dangerous looking. And medieval. This is the kind of ring that looks like it has a curse on it. Surely you can see why that’s so appealing.

5. Self-torture. It’s possible Amylynn is a masochist. At lunch we went to the mall and while we were there we thought we could handle going into the pet store. All we wanted to know was if they were going to carry hedgehogs. Ava was pretty sure we could control ourselves. Amylynn merely laughed. Before we entered the store, Ava stated we were only going in as far as the counter to talk to a human. We would NOT be looking at the puppies. We would NOT be touching puppies. Amylynn cackled and skipped to the back of the store where she promptly squatted down on the floor and played with the French bulldogs. She then made Ava look at all the puppies, squeal at them in unison because how could you not, and take pictures with our phones. It was miserable and adorable all at the same time. We managed not to adopt 57 dogs while we were in there, but that was a miracle. By the way, the clerk barely new what a hedgehog is because she’s an idiot.