Of course, they were all wearing Santa hats

Currently, I am in trouble with her family because I can’t tell them what I want for Christmas. Of course I can tell them stuff. Stuff like a puppy, a new car, Batman. Unfortunately, my family doesn’t believe any of those things are “reasonable”.

I’m feeling stifled under these constraints.

Today’s newspaper has an article with the following headline: Morbid gifts unique, but not for everyone. It’s about a “bizarre bazaar” put on by the Morbid Anatomy Museum Holiday Flea Market. I read it figuring that I needed some

Ummm, no thank you

ideas. Surely this article would have some interesting ones. Maybe they’d even be festive considering the season.

What I really learned was a bunch of stuff I do not want.

Things like a bowl of human teeth. Seriously. I want to make it perfectly clear that I do NOT want a bowl of human teeth. I don’t even want a bowl of inhuman teeth. It’s weird enough that I have two tiny boxes of human teeth, but they are human teeth that I gave birth too and am contractually obligated to save.

I also don’t need a raccoon skull. I would however appreciate a live raccoon if that’s an option.

I don’t know about you but I have to seriously wonder who wears earrings made from muskrat jaws. I don’t even think I want a live muskrat. I’ve been poisoned by that Captain and Tennille song. I do not wish to learn anything further about muskrat love.

Apparently, the crowning glory of the bizarre bazaar was a bunch of two-headed taxidermied birds. Chicks. You know, like baby chickens. With two heads.

I hope–seriously, seriously hope–my family knows me better than to ever consider that I’d want a taxidermied animal. Certainly not one with two heads. That’s just creepy.

You know what though? I do hope they know me well enough that if they were to come to discover a LIVE two-headed chicken they need to know that I want that animal at any cost. Pretty much a two-headed anything is good.