We don’t think you can pick this up at the Costco.

Have you seen what’s in the Oscar gift bags this year? It’s worth $232,000 – for people who make millions of dollars a year. Sort of nauseating, don’t you think? Boy would we love to get our hands on one of these. There are all kinds of trips:

3-day stay at the Golden Door Resort & Spa in San Marcos, CA ($4,800)

3-night stay at the Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria in Sorrento, Italy ($5,000)

3-night stay at the Grand Hotel Tremezzo in Lake Como ($5,000)

10-day all-expenses-paid trip to Israel ($55,000)

Private walking tour of Japan for up to 15 days ($54,000)

Lots and lots of fitness and beauty things which I added up to $52,856.85 including a Vampire Breast Lift (???? – I’m certain Ava knows what this is) and A lifetime supply of Pu-erh Tea Nourishing Cream and Pu-erh Tea Cleansing Bar for 31,200.

And Chapstick.

Valued at $6.

But by far, the absolute best item, seriously, is Joseph’s Toiletries toilet paper. Yes, toilet paper. You’d think, hmmm, weird choice. In an Oscar gift basket? Really? Yes, it’s valued at $275.

For toilet paper.

I had to look it up on the internet. The company that makes it is Swiss and they call it, “a miracle in the art of papermaking”.

They’re very proud of their product saying, ““Each individual sheet is a multi-layered microcosm of form and function constructed with comfort and cleanliness in mind. Tender virgin new-growth fibres are refined with a provitamin B5 and essential mineral coating to provide maximum skin protection even in dry use.”

You’ll be pleased to know if you buy the wall dispensary for $550 it comes in five colors including Natural Warped Ebony Macassar.

Apparently, now all our asses could be as fine as Gwyneth Palstrow – who apparently loves this stuff.

We’ll just have to give up lunches, and dry cleaning and affording a hot shower ever again.