February 26

Boy are we happy to find Friday when we woke up this morning. It was one of those weeks when you were pretty sure Wednesday was Thursday. That happened several times Wednesday. How many times in one day can a person be disappointed that it’s not Thursday? The answer is five. Five times you legitimately confuse yourself into believing you’re an entire day closer to Friday than you really are. Of course, that makes you feel like an idiot, but you going to do again anyway in about another hour. Then when Thursday actually comes along, naturally you’re already a day ahead and you have another 24 hours to make yourself miserable all over again. Yay. Fortunately, we found funny stuff to get us through.

1. Brilliant training. This is from a zoo in Tokyo. Apparently, they do this to practice in case an animal gets loose. In order to keep up their skills, they dress someone up in a suit — in this case a zebra — and run drills to evacuate the facility and corral the animal. Go ahead and giggle at how adorable this is. How fast do you think the fellow in the suit can run with that get-up on? Especially those enormous hooves. Have you ever tried to run in scuba flippers? Imagine the same result with those hoof shoes. Do you suppose they ever do lion drills? Does the person in the suit get to growl and snarl at people? That could be fun. That’s a job the Sisters would apply for happily.

2. Kristen our favorite Barista. We went to Starbucks on the way back to the office after lunch. We were feeling a bit silly when we ordered our iced Café Mochas at the drive through. The disembodied voice on the other end of the speaker asked if we wanted whipped cream and we answered, “Hell yeah!”. Then we cackled like idiots. When we got to the window Kristen appeared with hot Café Mochas. Our disappointment was evident. It’s 80 degrees. We wanted iced mochaed gloriousness.

Panda turtle by saturn2169

Kristen was a saint who then sent us away with two hot mochas and two iced mochas and then we vibrated for the rest of the afternoon.

3. Manageable fines. Back in December, we told you about an incident of turtle smuggling. It was not a well thought out plan and the guy was nabbed. Dong Yan’s trial just wrapped up and he was fined what amounted to $2,578 dollars American for trying to smuggled 38 live turtles into Canada by taping them to his legs. That amounts to $67.84 per turtle. This gives the Sisters hope. Way back in the recesses of our minds we have some concerns about getting caught with a panda bear in an airport. We can totally handle a $2,500 fine. That’s nothing. We’ll just sell lots and lots of books and maybe get two pandas. This is going to work out.

4. Better than a broken tooth. A woman in Washington was eating clams when she bit down on something hard. The woman claims she didn’t know what it was, so she put it in her pocket to examine at home. This seemed odd to us. Who practically breaks a tooth on something foreign in their dinner, then calmly removes it from your mouth and puts it in their pocket? Isn’t the first thing to complain to the waiter and demand to see the manager? No one actually takes things like that to a gemologist. Seriously. Fortunately, this woman did just that and discovered that it was an extremely rare Quahog purple pearl worth about $600. They said it was only one in a couple million odds. We like how scientific that answer

No thank you!

was. Now she can make exactly one purple pearl earring. No word on what she’s going to eat to make an earring for the other ear.

5. He did this voluntarily. A 23-year-old Ukrainian man was arrested for masquerading as a high school student. We’re not talking about just telling random strangers he was in high school. No, apparently, this fellow’s visa expired and he didn’t want to go home so he got himself a fake id and registered for high school as a freshman. Flash forward four years and he’s ready to graduate in a few months. Apparently this guy really, really enjoyed high school because he was a member of the National Honor Society, on the student advisory group for a food bank, and an active member of the school’s ROTC and Naval Sea Cadet programs. We don’t know how your high school experience was, but the Sisters would never relive that shit. Never We’ve not used Algebra since the first time we learned it, and we don’t need to try to pass that class again. Gads.